Super Smash Bros : EXPOSED
by Nekonezume
Summary: What REALLY happens behind the scenes of SSB Melee? Find out! WARNING: Includes silly shounen-ai and lots of cursing! 8/8 chapters done!
1. Default Chapter

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 1)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

WAR-NING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game.

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 1)

It was another boring Sunday at HAL Laboratories for all the characters of Super Smash Bros. Melee. They had all just been casted as characters, and were being quite bored, since Sundays were their days off when it came to big-time battling. The only arenas open were the Green Greens and the Kanto Pokémon Arena. Very boring indeed. Zelda grumbled to herself as she slumped into a cushiony red armchair. "I am so bored," she muttered. Donkey Kong laughed beside her. "You'll get used to it, love," he said in his drunken British slur, adjusting his tiny spectacles on the brim of his rather large gorilla snout and swilling around a large bottle of whisky. Most of the characters had to act when they were in game, and Donkey was one of the best examples of fine acting. "What if she doesn't _want_ to?" came the voice of Zelda's stunt-double and close friend, Shiek. "I'm pretty bored too, you know." Donkey laughed. "What's a young man like you doing being bored? You should be battling, or having sex, whichever!" he said. Shiek sighed. "Nobody wants to battle. I challenged Pikachu, but he was going to give Jigglypuff a massage. I wouldn't dare challenge a girl," he added. Zelda snorted. "Well, then let a girl challenge you!" she exclaimed. With that, she stood abruptly, grabbed Shiek by the arm, and pulled him toward the hallway that led to the Green Greens. Donkey Kong chortled to himself, then knocked back the bottle of whisky to take a nice gulp. 

Much later, everyone was sitting in the common room, being very bored once again. Donkey had had so much to drink that he was lying on the floor, flailing his legs about and singing showtunes, hiccuping every so often in between. Peach sat on the sofa, looking rather uncomfortable as Mario had his arm around her and was trying to persuade her to give him a kiss. Ness, Nana and Popo were throwing little rocks at Pikachu, Pichu, Jigglypuff and Mewtwo to annoy them (it worked on Mewtwo; he once even picked up Mr. Saturn with his mind and repeatedly bashed him against Ness's nose, giving the game creators the idea to make Saturns part of the weapon system). Link, Marth and Roy were hitting on Samus to no success, and Link's little brother, Y'Link, was using his boomerang to bounce off Samus's armor. Captain Falcon sat in a corner, glancing nervously around the room, but darting his gaze to Princess Peach every so often. Bowser was flirting with Zelda, who was, surprisingly enough, flirting right back, making Shiek very angry and jealous. He was sitting on a stool by a large shelf of books, pretending to read a magazine, but leering at Bowser over the pages. Everyone else was playing chess or reading books. "You know, Samus, my sword is far bigger than Marth's, if you get what I'm saying," said Link with an adorable wink and the flipping back of his shiny blond hair. Marth rolled his eyes. "Why don't you prove it, then?" he muttered in a rather sarcastic tone. Link smirked. "Okay then, I will!" he said, undoing the belt around his waist, removing it, and starting to pull off his hose. Samus stared intently, with her helmetted head rested in her hand in a very amused fashion. Marth's face went bright red, and Roy shielded his eyes. "DUUUUDE!" Roy shouted in disgust. "He wasn't being serious!" Link raised an eyebrow. His hose weren't all the way off, and his . . . "Deku stick" wasn't visable yet. He quickly yanked the hose back up, and redid the belt. "If you were just kidding, why didn't you say so!? Geez! I don't show that to just anyone, you know, you were in for a real treat! But oh well," he said with a shrug as he sat back down. Samus snapped her metal-gloved fingers in disappointment. "Marth, is something wrong?" Link asked, as Marth grabbed his nose in what was unmistakably a nosebleed. "Nothing!" Marth replied frantically. "I, er, have to go!" Then, he got up and ran to the nearest washroom. Link shrugged, and he and Roy continued hitting on Samus. "So, what is it you do?" Zelda said to Bowser, grinning slightly at him. Bowser grinned a positively hideous grin in return. "See that fat plumber over there? Mario?" he asked, pointing one of his sharp claws at the stout Mario, still trying to persuade Peach to give him a kiss, only more desperately this time. Zelda nodded. "I see him," she said quickly, watching Peach wriggle away from the red-suited man. Bowser chuckled. "Well, I kidnap that girlfriend of his periodically, then . . . I kick his ass!" Bowser pounded the coffee table before him rather hard with his fist, then grinned maliciously. Zelda raised her eyebrows, then clapped politely, yet Shiek snorted loudly from the other end of the room, and shook his head. "Something wrong, Shiek?" Zelda asked slowly and skeptically. Shiek raised his eyebrows, then looked up from the magazine. "Hmm? Why on earth would you think that?" he asked rather passively, blinking quickly while speaking. Zelda looked confused. "Hmm? Oh, that! There was something really funny in this magazine. In fact, the whole magazine is funny, so don't be surprised if I laugh a few more times!" he finished rather cornily, adding lots of sarcasm and loads of false enthusiasm. Zelda then noticed that the name of the magazine was "Deaths and Abortions Weekly: A Tear Jerker for even the Strongest Heart". Zelda sighed and shook her head, then turned back to Bowser, laying one dainty hand on one of the massive turtle's clawed hands. "What were you saying?" she cooed, stroking the large hand slightly, and watching out the corner of her eye as Shiek silently fumed with rage. Indeed, it was a somewhat-eventful night for everyone at HAL Laboratories. They could hardly wait until Monday, when their _real_ jobs kicked in. "Checkmate," said Yoshi with a sly grin, adjusting his lime-green poker visor. Ganondorf smashed his fist down upon the table, sending many chess pieces flying across the room (several hit Ness in the head). "You little son of a bitch!" Ganondorf wailed, tears welling up at the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe I was beaten by a little egg fucker! I . . . I . . . just. . . !" With that, Ganondorf burst into tears, then ran toward the washroom. Moments later, Ganondorf screamed loudly, and everyone could hear his yelling "MARTH, THAT IS DISGUSTING! DO THAT ON YOUR OWN SPARE TIME, OR GET A GIRLFRIEND, OR AT LEAST GO SIT IN A BATHROOM STALL AND DO THAT, BUT NOT OUT IN THE OPEN! THAT IS JUST GROSS!"

Link gazed at Marth from across the empty room, and their eyes met. Marth pulled back reluctantly and blushed slightly, shifting his gaze onto the ceiling. Link wasn't buying it, though. He grinned and stood, then crossed the room very slowly. Marth almost couldn't believe what was happening! Finally, Link stopped in front of him, grinned seductively, and sat down on his lap. He wrapped his arms around his neck, and immediately the two were entangled in a passionate kiss. Slowly, Link moved his hands lower, and was about to undo Marth's belt buckle, when - FWAP! Marth awoke abruptly to the feeling of a rather heavy pillow hitting him in the back of the head. He looked around frantically, sweating profusely, only to find Link standing there, holding a pillow over his head. "Man, you are one lazy ass, you know that?" he said with a laugh. "Everyone else is already awake. It's Monday, man! Time to eat your Corn Flakes with special Harry Potter-shaped marshmallows and kick someone's ass!" Then, Link's eyes wandered downwards onto Marth's bedsheets. He noticed something rather, erm, interesting. "Dude! You were having Samus-dreams, weren't you?" he said with a sly laugh. "I thought you seemed to be getting into your dream an awful lot, and this proves why! You horndog, you!" Marth's face grew rather red. "Erm, yeah! Samus! That's right. Hey, er, why don't you go on without me, and I'll just, eh, get ready here?" he asked rather quickly. Link shrugged and left. Marth sighed. _This has to stop! I am a hetero . . . I am a hetero . . . I can't even think it properly! I AM A HETEROSEXUAL MALE! I like WOMEN! I like SAMUS! I like Peach and Zelda and Jigglypuff and Nana!_ Marth paused for a moment on that thought. _Er, no, not Jigglypuff and Nana, no._

Marth arrived at the breakfast table a half-hour later, and he noticed Samus's head faced in his general direction. What he couldn't see was her sly smile behind her helmet. "Soooo," she began as Marth sat down with his box of Corn Flakes with special Harry Potter lightning-bolt and broomstick-shaped marshmallows. "I hear you had a dream about me last night." Marth banged his elbow on the table in surprise, making his bowl spin before dropping off the table and shattering into many pieces. "I'll take that as a yes," Samus continued. "Well, that's interesting. We only just met yesterday, and already you have a crush on me! It's kind of cute, really." Link realized this as his oppurtunity to break the two up and flirt with Samus some more. He leaned on the table and looked down at Samus, looking very cute, yet somewhat bored at the same time. He looked up at the ceiling. "Samus, babe, tell me something; how do you eat if you never take your helmet off?" He looked down at her. Samus laughed. "I do, Link. You see, I only take off my helmet for certain things, if you know what I mean," she replied. Link grinned very gorgeously, making Marth melt (when he realized this, he mentally cursed himself over and over). "Would you take off your helmet for me?" Link asked with a wink. Samus giggled. "I don't know, maybe later!" she said, grabbing her cereal bowl and walking out of the room. Link raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Really!? Asskicking!" he exclaimed happily. Samus stifled her laughter as she left the room. Zelda and Bowser were sitting together once again, flirting again, too. Shiek was sitting across from them, stabbing his eggs repeatedly with a fork and pretending they were Bowser. He grinned insanely as he watched yolk leak from the eggs. "Yoshi, I can't believe you stole my favourite cereal!" Ganondorf said to Yoshi, searching the cupboards of the kitchen. Yoshi looked up from his breakfast. "But, Ganondorf, I didn't!" he protested. And he really didn't, but he figured that Ganondorf thought Yoshi absolutely hated him, so it was no surprise why he thought Yoshi might be the prime suspect. Ganondorf turned around and sighed angrily. "Yoshi!! I told you yesterday while we were playing chess that if I didn't have my Cookie Crisp for breakfast, I would be really sad all day long!" he whined. Yoshi sighed. He was starting to get frustrated. "Ganondorf, I did _not_ steal your cereal. I wasn't even paying attention when you told me you needed your Cookie Crisp to start your day," he said innocently. Well, that was the icing on the cake. Ganondorf's face turned bright red - almost purple - with fury, and he burst into tears. "So you didn't even _care_ to hear what I had to say! Yoshi, you're just a big . . . a big bully!" he finished, running out of the room in tears. Everyone was staring at Yoshi. "Hey, I told you! I didn't take them! I was being honest!" Yoshi cried. Y'Link laughed. "I believe you, Yoshi," he said, grabbing a box of Cookie Crisp from under the table. "Because I took 'em!" Link looked disbelievingly at his little brother. "Y'Link, that has to be one of the coolest fuckin' things you have ever done. Give me a high five, little bro!" he said proudly, holding out his hand for his little brother to give him a high five, which he did. "Peachie, _please_, just one kiss is all I'm asking for!" Mario cried, getting close to tears. "Mario, we're at the breakfast table," Peach protested, not even looking at Mario, who glanced into Peach's empty cereal bowl. "But, Peachie! You're finished your breakfast!" Mario insisted. Peach coughed, and stood. "I have to go powder my nose," she lied, walking out of the room. Mario leapt out of his seat. "But it's-a me, Mario!" he wailed. When Peach didn't turn back around, he gave up and slumped back into his seat. "Girl problems?" asked his brother, Luigi, with a hint of satisfaction in his voice. Luigi had walked in the shadow of his brother for years, and only recently found a girlfriend of his own. Mario sighed. "I don't know what's happened! Day before yesterday, she was telling me she loved me, and was showering me with kisses and baked goods, but since yesterday she'll barely look at me!" he said, stifling a sniffle. Luigi smirked a bit, and put his arm around his girlfriend Daisy, who had her hair made up to look like Peach's, only Daisy had brown hair. "Yes, well, that's too bad, bro," Luigi said with indulgence. "I wish I could help you, but I'm a bit busy with my own girlfriend." Daisy giggled. "Daisy, why are you dressed like Peach?" Mario asked, raising an eyebrow. Daisy rolled her eyes and huffed angrily. "The stupid pricks at HAL said I couldn't be a secret character because I resembled Peach too much, so they made it look like she just changes her outfit. I even have to spin around and do the whole ditzy 'suhh-WEET!' thing, and copy all of her attacks, and that INCLUDES plucking that stupid turnip - that doesn't even HURT people - from the ground. I hate it! But the pay isn't bad." she finished with a shrug. She suddenly felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to see . . . Peach. "So that's what you think of me, you stuck-up bitch?" Peach snapped. Daisy gulped. "Well, Daisy - if that IS your real name - I challenge you to a battle right now, then we'll see who the better woman is." Daisy stood and flipped back her hair. "Fine then, let's go to it. Luigi, wish me luck," she said. Luigi grinned at her. "Good luck," he said. Mario saw this as his oppurtunity. "Good luck, Peachie, hope you win!" he said enthusiastically. Peach simply shrugged and walked away, with Daisy following not far behind. Mario broke down and started to cry. He couldn't take it anymore. At the other end of the table, Bowser and Zelda were having a very interesting conversation. " . . . and that's how I won the Bowling for Goombas tourny," Bowser finished triumphantly, flexing a rather large bicep. Zelda raised her eyebrows with interest, but Shiek snorted into his cereal bowl. Zelda glanced at Shiek. "Is something wrong, Shiek?" she snapped angrily. Shiek looked up. "Nothing at all. It's just that I was surprised because I remembered . . . uh . . . something I forgot to do," he said, standing abruptly. "See you on the playing field!" He walked off. Zelda huffed. "Bowser, I'll be right back," she muttered. "I have to go talk to Shiek." She stood and exited the room.

Shiek sat on his bed in the male dormitory, thinking to himself. _A big, ugly, stupid turtle with spikes is better to her than one of her best friends?_ He sighed sadly. He heard a knock on the door, and Zelda walked in. "Shiek," she said angrily, standing in front of him with her hands on her hips. "What the _fuck_ is your problem!?" Shiek turned away. "I don't have a problem, Zelda," he snapped. Zelda laughed. "That's why you were acting like a complete jerk out there, and yesterday too. Don't try to hide it, Shiek, I _know_ you were laughing at Bowser!" she shouted. Shiek snorted. "And why shouldn't I!?" he retorted. "He's a big, scaly, smelly spiked turtle, and you're in love with him! I find that rather funny." Zelda rolled her eyes. "Grow up, Shiek! I am not in love with Bowser. He's a friend," she hissed. Shiek laughed again. "If he's such a good 'friend', then why do you flirt with him all the time?" he said pointedly. Zelda frowned. "For fuck's sakes, Shiek, look at the poor guy! Do you think he's ever going to get a girlfriend!? He's a spiky turtle! How many female spiky turtles do you know!? Anyway, my guess is that you're jealous. I thought you knew me better than that, Shiek." She flipped her hair back angrily. "Jealous!? Me!! Jealous of a turtle! What would make you think that!?" Shiek snapped. Zelda laughed. "Gee, I don't know, Shiek. Maybe because I'm spending more time with him!?" she replied quickly. "Why the fuck would I care about that!?" "Maybe because you like me?" "I do NOT like you! And even if I did - not saying I do - why would you care!?" "Maybe because I love you, Shiek," Zelda finished, her voice breaking up into what unmistakably sounded like she was going to cry. "And I'm just giving Bowser a break. He's a fucking bad guy, and he's a turtle. Face it, he tries to steal princesses for a living so he can actually _have_ a short-term girlfriend. His life can't be easy," she started to cry. "And you're so selfish and jealous that you have to criticize the poor guy! Shiek, I have always loved you, but right now, I hate you!" she wailed. She spun around on her heels. "Goodbye, Shiek." She sped out of the room. Shiek stood quickly. "Zelda, wait!" he shouted desperately, but she was already out of earshot. Shiek sighed. "I love you, too. . . ."

Much later, several characters were on leave, battling eachother and such, but Shiek and Zelda were still moping around sadly. Falco was kicking Fox's ass at chess, Kirby was trying some new moves out on Ness (who by then had several bruises), and Y'Link was waiting for Kirby to finish with Ness so he could have a go. Whenever Zelda and Shiek ran into eachother, they wouldn't even glance at one another, and would walk as far away from one another as quickly as possible. "Shiek, Zelda!" came the annoying voice of Master Hand. "You're, uhm, like, wanted and stuff. The people choose, uhm, Zelda to fight in Classic mode or something." Zelda glared at the Hand. "Does _he_ have to come?" she spat, pointing at Shiek. "I think so. The people out there'll probably, like, want to turn into Shiek or something, so it'd be, like, a good idea and stuff." Shiek sighed. "I'll go if I have to," he muttered. Master Hand led the way out to the battle grounds, and Zelda and Shiek followed, shooting daggers at eachother with their glares.

Link and Marth just finished a heated battle, and of course, Link won (mostly because Marth was too scared he'd hurt Link, so he went soft on him). Link shook Marth's cut-up hand. "Good game," he said guiltily. He had beaten Marth really badly. Marth shook Link's hand in return, very happy that he at least got to hold Link's hand out of the outcome. Marth couldn't hide a grin. "Yeah, good game," he agreed. Then Link looked at the floor sheepishly. "Marth, I feel really bad about telling you this, since you obviously like Samus a lot, don't you?" he said rather quietly. "Samus? No! I like y - ER, YEAH, I REALLY LIKE SAMUS," Marth covered up quickly. Fortunately, Link didn't suspect a thing. Maybe it was the fact that Marth was a prince that made him unlikely to like Link, he didn't know, but whatever it was, Link didn't suspect Marth's crush on him. "Erm, well . . . she and I are sort of, you know, dating now. I'm really sorry, Marth," Link said quickly, noticing the look of disappointment on Marth's face. "She just, well, asked me out, and I _really_ like her, so I said yes. I'm so sorry. Is there any way I can make it up to you?" Marth thought for a moment. _Sleep with me?_ He thought, a slight grin on his face at the thought. Then he started to fantasize about it, and it began with that dream he had the night before. He was off in la-la land in two seconds flat. "Erm, Link to Marth, do you copy?" said Link, waving a hand in front of Marth's dazed face. Marth quickly snapped out of it. "No! No, thank you, Link, but I don't want any sexual fav - I MEAN, I don't want anything. I'm fine," he said in a stupor. Link raised an eyebrow. "Nothing at all. . . ?" he sounded rather unsure. _Except for a good, quick-_ "No, nothing." Link still looked unsure. "You're sure?" he asked. Marth nodded. "Positive." _Read my mind, for fuck's sakes, read my mind! DO ME!! DOOOO MEEEE!!_ Marth thought. Link shrugged. "If you're sure. I would like to do _something_ for you. I feel I owe you now," he replied. Marth gulped. "Willyousleepwimme!?" he said really quickly. Link's eyebrows shot up. "What did you just say!?" he exclaimed. Marth's face was rather red. "_*Ahem*_ Would you, er, get Samus to sleep with me?" he said, feeling highly embarassed and mad at himself for being so forward. Link laughed. "Well, er, I wouldn't really go to that much of an extreme, but I will do _something_ for you." As odd as it seemed, Link was rather relieved to hear that Marth had said Samus, or was pretending he had, anyway. Link was quite the heterosexual indeed, and didn't particularly want to hear anything about any guy wanting to sleep with him. "Naw, it's okay, Link," said Marth sadly. "I'll just . . . go battle Roy now." He walked off. _I didn't mean to hurt the poor guy!_ Link thought. _I didn't think he liked her _ that_ much! What am I going to do to get him to not be mad at me?_

Roy gave the baseball bat a mighty hit, and Marth went flying in a huge home-run. When Marth reappeared - feeling rather tired and exhasperated - Roy helped him down. "Marth, what's wrong? You're not yourself. Your sword skills are off. Something must be on your mind," he said, sitting down there in Hyrule Temple's nearest ledge. "You can talk to me about it. You know I'm only a problem when I'm totally burnt out on weed, and that won't be until this match is over." Marth laughed weakly. "Roy, erm, how do I say this. . . ." he started slowly. "What is it, Marth? You can tell me," said Roy. Marth coughed. "Uhhmmmggyyyaaayyy. . . ." he said, sounding very muffled. Roy raised an eyebrow, then leaned a bit closer. "Don't muffle yourself, 'cause I didn't catch a word of that. Can you repeat it?" he asked. Marth sighed. "Roy, I'm gay, alright? And I like a straight guy who has a girlfriend. Happy?" he asked. Roy raised both eyebrows. "Reeeally! Interesting. As disgusting as I find this, do me a favour and tell me who it is?" he said, sounding actually rather interested. Marth looked at the ground. "Wlllzzzzlnnk. . . ." he coughed, his voice muffled once again. Roy looked very annoyed. "For fuck's sakes, Marth! Say it so I can fucking understand you! You're keeping me from my weed!" he growled. "Now tell me who this bastard is, before I kick you in your queer nuts!" Marth sighed. "Link. I like Link . . . a lot," he said sadly. "And now he's going out with Samus, and I don't know what to do." Roy smiled a bit. "Really? That's interesting. Marth, since you're my bud, I'm going to talk to Link," he said triumphantly. A look of pure panic washed over Marth's face. "No! You can't tell a _soul_! I'm a _prince_, for fuck's sakes! Princes are _not_ supposed to be gay! You can't tell Link!" he cried. Roy grinned. "Oh, don't worry, Marth. I won't _tell_ Link, I'll just, give him a shove in the right direction, you know? If Link finds out, it won't be because I said anything about _you_, you see what I'm getting at?" he asked. Marth smiled a bit. "Well, okay. If you _promise_ not to tell him a guy has a crush on him, then it's all right, I guess. But if you _do_ tell him, and he _does_ resent me from then on, I will murder you, okay?" he muttered. Roy laughed. "Okay. Now let's get the fuck outta here so I can smoke up!"

**--End of part 1--**

A/N: How was that? Did you like? Did you hate? Did you cry? Laugh? Have to change your pants!? Well, anyway, as you can probably see, I like Link. I like Link a _lot_. Just thought I'd throw that in there. Well, don't worry, those aren't the only couples you'll be seeing. Tust me, when I said bizarre, I meant _bizarre_. There may have been a few hints to one of them (and trust me, it's probably NOT who you think). This chapter didn't take me long to write, and hopefully the next chapter won't take long, either. This story's almost writing itself! I was going to make it just one big ol' fic, but I decided it would be too long, so I chopped it up. Anywho, please review! And maybe give me a few ideas? That would be very helpful, and I'll even thank you in the A/N at the end of the chapter :O. Finally, please note that there'll be a lot more lemon-lime flavoured goodness later on, much more silliness, and Donkey Kong will make a more drunken appearance :p. And please note that Roy will not be the only druggie! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! It'll be much better next time. Oh, and if you want an accurate translation of Marth's current feelings, download the song "Closet" by WIZO and listen very carefully. Till next chapter! 


	2. Crapter er, CHAPTER 2

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 2)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

WAR-NING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game.

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 2)

"Lookit all the stars, Pi," said Pichu in a daze, sitting in his bed with a box of magic mushrooms beside him (and no, I don't mean the kind that make you grow giant or tiny). He popped another one. "Chu, you can almost see the individual . . . H_OOOOOOOOOO_LY shit! Someone help! The aliens are coming down! They're taking me away! NOOO! NOT THE PROBE, CHUUUUUU!!" Roy shook his head rather slowly on the bed beside Pichu's, smokin' a joint. "You really need to calm down," he said, his eyes rather glazed. "You need to mellow out a bit. Mushrooms are for hardcore druggies, Pichu, and that's just not cool." Pichu screamed and fell off the bed. "Pichuuuu! That lamp is attacking me!" he wailed. Roy sighed. "Calm down. If you want to have _fun_ getting high, smoke weed. Weeeeeee!" he said with enthusiasm. Just then, Link entered the room. "Roy, did you say you wanted to talk to me?" he asked. Roy giggled. "Not now, Linky-poo, I'm smoking," he said. Link sighed. "Roy, you're _always_ smoking," he muttered. Roy giggled again. "Oooohhhh, weed in the morning, weed in the evening, weed at supper time! When weed is on a bagel, you can have weed anytime!" he sang, sounding very offkey. Link rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later," he grumbled, walking out of the room, just as Donkey Kong entered with a large bottle of brandy in one hand and some Hard Lemonade in the other. "Ohh, the pahhhty's 'ere, izzit?" he said in a terrible drunken slur. Pichu took a quick glance at Donkey Kong, then screamed loudly. "ARGH! It's true! Coca Cola _does_ promote the well-being of scary clowns carrying waterguns full of pimento paste!" he ran under the bed. Donkey Kong laughed heartily. "Blimey, the poor bloke hasn't had enough to drink!" he exclaimed, taking a draught of his brandy. Roy sighed. "All I want is to sit here and smoke my pot, is that too much to ask!?" he muttered, taking another drag of his joint.

Falco sat in the common room, talking to himself. "Must . . . kill. . . ." he said, sounding rather gloomy and possessed. He stood up and looked around. "Kill . . . who?" He glanced around the room, and noticed that he was alone . . . except for _one_ person. There sat Ness, playing his Nintendo 64. "Hooray for the Powerpuff Girls!" he said excitedly, tapping the buttons on his 64 controller and making Bubbles zoom around the Pokey Oaks classroom. Just then, the person he was fighting picked Bubbles up, and tossed her across the room. She immediately got knocked out. Ness burst into tears, but then, Falco stood in front of the TV screen, obstructing Ness's vision. He pointed an accusing finger at the little boy. "_You_," he said angrily, picking Ness up by his collar. "_You're_ coming with _me_." He carried Ness off toward the Rainbow Cruise arena.

"Kirby!" shouted Mr. Game and Watch. "Kirby, uhm," he ran over to Kirby, who stood there looking rather confused. Mr. Game and Watch gave him a rather foolish grin. "Can I have your autograph?" Kirby was dumbfounded. "Hey, me too!" said Dr. Mario rather suddenly, appearing from the kitchen, making a snack. Kirby opened his mouth to speak, when. . . . "I want your autograph!" It was Jigglypuff! Jigglypuff wanted Kirby's autograph!? Well, it was no secret that Kirby had a huge crush on Jigglypuff. I mean, look at them! They're a couple of pink blobs, they're both adorable, and one of them looks and sounds male, the other looks and sounds female. Jigglypuff was Kirby's dream girl. "S-sure!" said Kirby with a grin. Kirby knew Pikachu liked Jigglypuff (which was kind of scary), but he was determined to to get to her before Pikachu did. He wrote his name with a little star at the end on a piece of paper, and handed it to Jigglypuff. "Thanks!" Jigglypuff said happily. She skipped off, and Kirby grinned after her. "What about our autographs?" asked Mr. Game & Watch and Dr. Mario at the same time. Kirby laughed nervously. "Uhm, gotta go!" He ran out.

"Hey, it's-a Daisy! Daisy, give-a me a kiss!" said Mario, wearing a pair of purple overalls and a yellow shirt. Daisy noticed his voice was a bit different. . . . "_Wario_!? Wario, is that you!?" she said in surprise. Wario grinned. "How did-a you know?" he asked. Daisy raised an eyebrow. "But Wario, why do you look so much like _Mario_?" she questioned in an utterly confused tone. Wario's grin faded. "Those bastards at HAL said I was-a too much-a like Mario to be my own-a character, so they made-a me lose a shitload of-a weight - I had to cut back on all my favourite foods - change-a my moustache, and learn-a all of his-a moves. It-a really pissed me off!" he finished angrily. "They said to make it-a look like Mario just-a changed his-a clothes." Daisy snorted. "The jerks did the same thing with me. I have to do the _worst_ taunt in the world!" she wailed. Wario laughed. "At least you don't-a have to do this," he said. He performed Mario's taunt, making himself a giant for a few seconds, then shrinking. "Ah well. Hey, want-a to-a battle with our borrowed moves?" he asked. Daisy shrugged. "Why not? Let's go."

The next morning at the breakfast table, Zelda and Bowser were sitting together once again. Shiek had to resort to sitting with Ness, who was talking some boring gibberish about a bunch of random crap that Shiek really didn't give a flying fuck about. Link was with Samus, who actually had her helmet off, revealing to everyone that she really _was_ pretty. Roy was talking to Marth; Mewtwo, Kirby, Jigglypuff, and Pikachu were having a debate on whether or not all Magikarp should just die; Mr. Game & Watch and Dr. Mario were feeding Pichu some of Dr. Mario's pills; Falco, Fox, Y'Link, and the Ice Climbers were hiding Ganondorf's Cookie Crisp; Ganondorf was yelling at Yoshi; Donkey Kong was chugging a six-pak, and the list went on. Daisy was talking to Wario, Peach to Luigi, and Mario to Captain Falcon. "I don't-a know what to do!" Mario cried. "Peach was-a my life! I need to get-a her back!" Captain Falcon simply shrugged passively. "Well, Mario, sometimes you just have to move on and admit defeat," he said. Mario shook his head. "But I can't-a do that! I love-a Peach! I'd do anything for her! And I know there was once a time when she'd do the same for me! What-a happened?" he asked the air. Captain Falcon shrugged uncomfortably and started some cereal. "Well, it won't get you anywhere dwelling on it," he said simply. "I _thought_ you said you were going to talk to Link _last night_!" Marth hissed to Roy. Roy laughed a bit. "Marth, I told you; I was _high_ last night. For fuck's sakes, I called him _Linky-poo_! What kind of pansy-ass fa - er, sorry. . . ." Roy started his homophobic complaint, but noticed the look on Marth's face, and he stopped. He kept on forgetting that his friend was gay now. "Anyway, what I meant was, I'll talk to him after breakfast." Marth sighed. "Please do. I mean, _look_ at them. . . ." he said, gesturing wildly in the general direction of Samus and Link, who were kissing. "It hurts to watch them do that." Roy sighed. "I can't guarantee he'll be happy you like him, Marth, but if you truly want him to know that someone else likes him, I will tell him," he said. Marth smiled. "Thanks, Roy. I'm lucky to have you as a friend," he told Roy. Then, he gave him a funny look. "You know. . . ." he started. Roy's eyes widened. "Ohhhhh no, no! I'm in it for the _ladies_, Marth!" he said quickly. Marth laughed. "I was just kidding! Man, that was funny. . . ."

After breakfast, Link and Samus were about to walk off to the battle arena to challenge someone, when Roy ran over to Link. "I _really_ hate breaking you two up, but Link! Link, I need to talk to you," Roy said. Link sighed, but Roy continued. "Don't worry, it won't take long," he said. "You go on without him though, Samus, just 'cause." Samus rolled her eyes and walked off. "What's up, Roy?" Link asked. Roy coughed a bit. "Link, I hate to tell you this, since you and Samus are doing so well together, but. . . ." he trailed off for a moment. "Someone else likes you, Link!" Link raised an eyebrow, then grinned. "Kick _ass_! Who is it? Who is she?" he asked with a bit more enthusiasm than he should've had. Roy sighed. "Link, look, it's not a girl," he said. Link raised both eyebrows this time. He patted Roy on the shoulder lightly. "Roy, sorry to disappoint you, bud, but I don't swing that way," he said. Roy gave Link a look of utter disgust and threw his hand off his shoulder. "Link, I don't like you, you fuckin' idiot!" he shouted. "I was just warning you that a guy likes you! And as a matter of fact, I do like a girl, and her name is . . . er, not important. Anyway." Roy noticed the look of slight disgust on Link's face. "Don't worry, Link! You'll probably never know who it is!" Link shrugged. "Maybe not, but I'll probably guess. Do you think he'd tell me if I asked him?" he questioned. Roy shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not, you never know. Maybe he would if he thought you were secure about it," he hinted. Link shrugged (seems to me they were having a shrugging contest . . .). "Well, I could be secure about it, I guess. I could try to be, I don't know, but it's a bit of a shock!" he exclaimed. Roy laughed a bit (no more shrugging O.o). "I'll bet. Anyway, see you around!" He ran off. Link sighed. _People around here are really gay!?_ he thought. _I thought everyone was straight! Ah well. I'll have to just deal with this, I suppose._

Fox narrowed his eyes as he and the Ice Climbers were facing off on the Yoshi's Island arena. "Ready . . . GO!" came the annoying voice of the announcer, commencing the battle. Nana and Popo leapt into the air and bounded onto the same platform Fox was standing on. However, Fox was so fast that he leapt out of the way and grabbed Popo from behind. He tossed him into the air, then quickly whipped out his laser gun and shot him. Nana ran over to help poor Popo before he sailed off. She grabbed him in midair, then tossed him back into the arena. He whipped out his mallet just in time, and the two twin siblings spun around in a double attack, making Fox fall off his platform in pain. Grabbing his side, he stood, then ran over to the two, who were high-fiving eachother. Fox slid over and stood quickly, then stuck out his leg and started kicking the twins rather quickly, making it look as if he had a big wad of gum stuck to his shoe that wouldn't come off. He kicked them for almost a minute when they finally managed to escape. They hopped up onto a platform and stole a morsel of food from one of the three Shyguys who were flying by. Stuffing the onigiri into their mouths, they hopped off the platform, whipped out their mallets - the mallets' heads facing down - and hit Fox HARD in the head. Fox fell over in agony, grabbing his head. The twins both grinned. They knew they had won. But no! Fox leapt up while the Climbers were congratulating one another, grabbed Popo by the scruff of the neck, tossed him into the air, whipped out his laser gun, and sent him flying offscreen. Popo had been knocked out, which meant that Nana had been as well. Fox had won. He knelt down and performed his taunt. "Come on!" he shouted with a grin on his face. 

Marth sat alone in his room, when there was a knock at the door. "Come in," Marth muttered, hoping it wasn't Link at the door. Ever since Link had told him he was with Samus, he had been trying his hardest to avoid him. To his great misfortune, Link walked through the door. "Hey, Marth, I need to talk to you," he said. Marth gulped a bit. _Oh shit, oh fuck! Oh shitfuck, oh fuckshit! Dammit! I told Roy not to tell Link_ who_ likes him! Oh damnbag!_ "Sure, Link, go ahead," he said, putting on a face of slight concern. "Well," Link began, sitting on the bed beside Marth. "Apparently, some guy around here has - _ahem_ - a crush on me. Since you're one of my best buds here, I was wondering . . . do you know who it is?" Marth's eyes widened, but he mentally sighed with relief. _Okay, maybe he _doesn't_ know it's me,_ he thought. "Uhm, well," he started, but Link stopped him. "Hold on, it's Mr. Game & Watch, isn't it!?" he muttered. Marth opened his mouth to respond, but Link stopped him. "Dammit, I knew that ever since that jerk and his bum-buddy friend Dr. Mario came onto the scene he had the hots for me! That little bastard! I _knew_ there was something suspicious going on there when he asked me for my stupid autograph! Arrrgghhh, that little prick's gonna get it!" he growled, pounding his fist into the palm of his hand. Marth cringed slightly. "It's, er, not Game & Watch," he confirmed rather nervously. Link raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying you know something about this, Marth?" he asked. Marth mentally kicked himself for having given away so much information. "Erm, no, not at all! No, haha, I just, erm, overheard Game & Watch telling Dr. Mario how much he liked Peach the other day. Then Dr. Mario agreed, and they both went out in search of her autograph, yeah! So, ehm, yeah," he finished, looking rather flustered. Link looked at him suspiciously. "You're sure you know nothing?" he asked. Marth grinned fakely and nodded. "Positive! It just ain't Game & Watch or Dr. Mario. But I'll, er, fill you in if I hear anything, how's that sound?" he asked. Link shrugged a bit. "I suppose that sounds okay. Thanks, bud! I owe you two, now." Link patted Marth on the shoulder lightly, then got up and exited the room. When Link was gone, Marth giggled a bit to himself. _Hehehe . . . he touched me. . . ._ he thought as more perverted thoughts washed through his - currently testosterone-filled - brain. He decided he'd actually go into a _stall_ this time, just in case Ganondorf got pissed at Yoshi for another dumb reason and decided to come bawling into the washroom again.

Speaking of Ganondorf, he was indeed yelling at Yoshi once again for something _else_ he was innocent of. "Yoshi, I can't fucking belive you," he spat as he passed the green dragon in the hallway. Yoshi looked up. "Augh, Ganondorf! What did I do _this_ time?" he muttered impatiently. Ganondorf's eyes welled up with tears. "Don't - you - dare - pretend - you - don't - know!" he gasped dramatically, lightly tapping the back of his hand to his forehead and looking up at the ceiling. Yoshi raised one of his rubbery eyebrows. "Ganondorf, why do you keep blaming everything on me? Next thing I know, you're going to start blaming me for the forming of N*Sync," he huffed. Ganondorf's eyes widened. "I can't believe it! It _is_ true! You _did_ form N*Sync, didn't you!? And the Backstreet Boys too, I bet! Yoshi, you're an abomination to all living things!" he cried, bursting into tears and running off for the nearest washroom. _Dammit! Why does he keep blaming me for everything!? And . . . why does a guy that's supposed to be evil beyond all repair keep crying all the time!?_ Yoshi thought angrily. He balled his hands into fists and went off to challenge Ness to a match.

Mario was searching all of HAL Laboratory to find Peach. He had looked everywhere (he even accidentally walked in on Samus in the shower), so he finally decided to go back to the men's dormitory to have a quick nap. He yawned a bit and slowly turned the doorknob to the dormitory. He pushed the door open slowly, but he heard two voices - one male, one female - from inside. . . . "Ohh, you've been very bad, Captain," giggled a voice that was more than familiar to Mario. It was Peach. "Oh, I know, Colonel," came the deep voice of Captain Falcon. "Well, then, what should I do to make sure you don't step out of line again?" Peach said in an almost whisper. Captain Falcon laughed lightly. "Well, I think you should-" This was all that Mario could take. "Peachie!?" he cried. The two voices in the bed stopped. "Mario. . . ?" Peach said cautiously. Mario started to yell. "Peachie, how could you do this to me!?" he shouted angrily, yet sadly. "I thought you loved me! You told me just last week you did! And . . . and already you're sleeping with someone else!" Peach coughed uncomfortably. "Erm, Mario. . . ." she began rather slowly. "Falcon here isn't the first guy I've cheated on you with. . . ." Mario raised an eyebrow. "If so," he began slowly, "then who was the other guy. . . ?" Peach's eyes darted around the room, hoping to find an exit. Of course, there was none. "Your brother. . . ." she said slowly. Mario's eyes widened to the size of those people from Di Gi Charat's (I'm sorry, but their eyes are just unnaturally huge, and it's cute but kinda scary O.o). He looked like he would explode with anger, when all of a sudden. . . . "PPIIIIICCCCCHHUUUUUUUU!!" cried Pichu, suddenly rushing into the room from out of nowhere and running around in repetitive circles, shouting his own name over and over in an endless stupor until he fell onto the ground and started breakdancing. He did some pretty impressive moves, too, and he could probably have made quite the career in music videos and such if he hadn't been such a druggie. Finally, after about five minutes of breakdancing, he stopped and took a bow, resulting in many claps from all three others in the room. Pichu grinned, looking very out of it, then sped out of the room flailing his arms about. Everyone paused for a moment, then the argument resumed.

Pikachu sat in the nice little park from the All-Star mode. Generally, he had only entered the All-Star mode to sit there and slack off, not to mention hide from everyone he currently did NOT want to see, namely Kirby. _Why can't that little Jello-mold bastard just bugger off!? Jigglypuff is going to be _my_ girlfriend, no matter what he thinks! She will _never_ go for him! Never! Hahahaha! . . . Man, do I ever want to listen to Blink 182 right now._ He thought. For some reason, Pikachu had a HUGE Blink 182 fetish. He was so obsessed with them, that he would go to the farthest lengths to act out each song. He once even acted out ALL of the song Degenerate. And if you know the lyrics to that song like Pikachu does, you'll know that . . . that's pretty damn scary. Pikachu in a thong? Gyaaaarrghhhhhh!! _I . . . wanna fuck a dog in the ass . . . he wants to fuck a dog in the ass . . . I wanna fuck a dog . . . that's right, kids!_ Uhmmm . . . let's leave him alone now, shall we. . . ?

Link saw Roy in the hallway and ran to catch up to him. "Roy, I need to talk to you," he said. Fortunately for him, Roy wasn't stoned yet. In fact, he was just heading to his room to smoke up, and this was his fifth interruption (two of which included Dr. Mario and Mr. Game and Watch asking Roy for his autograph). Roy was starting to get very angry, agitated, and he was also suffering withdrawal. "What IS it Link!?" he screamed. "I mean, REALLY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT! Why the fuck are you parading around here in your girly white panty-fucking-hose waiting for some fucking moron to fucking talk to you because you have no fucking friends!? Can you not fucking tell when a guy just wants to take a seat and light up his fucking bong!? Link, I cannot stress this enough. What the fuck do you want. What the FUCK do you want? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?" Link whimpered a bit and stepped backwards. "Erm, nevermind, Roy, buddy, pal. . . ." he said with a nervous grin. Roy's face became a colour that perfectly matched his red hair. "I asked you what the FUCK you fucking wanted, you fucking fuck! Don't you DARE fucking tell me to never-fucking-mind when you fucking bug me in the first fucking place! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ME, FAIRY-BOY!?" he screamed. Link nodded quickly. "I was, erm, just wondering if I could have a hint as to who the person who likes me is. Marth seems to know, but he won't tell me anything except for the fact that it's not Dr. Mario or Mr. Game and Watch," he gulped nervously. "C-can I please have a hint?" Roy snorted. "Here's your fucking hint: He _looks_ gay. There ya go. Now, fuck off! I'm going to smoke!" Roy stormed off. _He _looks_ gay?_ Link thought. _Who the fu - no, no, I'm quite sick of that word now that Roy said it so much. Who _looks_ gay here? Uhm, well, pretty much everyone. . . ._ He walked off to think to himself, but he met up with Samus on the way. "Hey baby," she said, grabbing his arm and walking alongside him. "How was your day? Kick some ass?" she cooed. Link grinned at her. "Yup, I sure did," he said. He thought for a moment before he spoke again. "Samus," he began. Samus looked at him. "Link. . . ?" she said slowly. Link smirked a bit. "Who here do you think looks gay? Like, like they would actually _like_ men?" he asked. Samus looked angry. "I'll tell you who looks like a lesbian," she growled. Link raised an eyebrow. "Who?" he asked, looking kind of confused. "Zelda," Samus snarled in reply. Link looked even more confused at this. "Why do you say that?" he asked. "Did she beat you or something?" Samus nodded slowly, resulting in laughter from Link. "Figures. But really, Samus, who do you think looks gay?" Samus shrugged. "I'd have to say just about everyone here," she said. Link grinned. "Except me, right?" he asked hopefully. Samus shrugged. "I dunno, Link, I'd have to say that you look gayest of all," she said, supressing laughter. Link looked offended. "Screw you, Samus!"

**END OF CHAPTER 2**

A/N: Hillu everyone, and I'm done the second chapter! La de da, I got a whole bunch of compliments from the last chapter, and I'd like to take this little bit of time to reply to a few of them, with the _regular_ comments afterwards!: Well, you guessed one of the couples correctly ^_~ excellent guess, I was hoping someone would notice! No way, I don't hate Marth at all! Marth is speefy :D, but someone needed to be gay, and someone needed to be the poor bloke who the gay person had a crush on! I wasn't going to pick Ness, just because he sucks, and I have plenty of ideas for other male characters too. Marth is a cutie, but he is a bit of a bishounen. Link is just a completely sexy stud, so I figured that if there was anyone a gay guy would fall for, it would be Link! I don't hate Earthbound, it's really cool, I just hate Ness :p. And the thing about Shiek is that his chest is all muscular and stuff when you look at it. And I don't care _what_ Nintendo says, but no matter how much Zelda taped her chest down, it could NEVER look like that O.o I know that Shiek and Zelda are the same people, but in this fic they're not. I could spoil summat now, but I won't ^_~ and also, I know Shiek's Zelda, but I made her male in the fic and stuff. BTW, I have nothing against the Powerpuff Girls either :p. Apparently, the Nintendo 64 game sucked _ass_, so I figured I'd make fun of it :p. A game that got a 2.0 rating on IGN can't be good for _anyone_. I'd also like to thank Houndoom229 for the Wario idea! I completely forgot about that. And something really funny is that I was writing chapter 2 when you reviewed the fic, and I had _just_ written about Mr. Game and Watch _and_ Dr. Mario when I received your review! Same with the individual Pokémon thing! Scary, maybe I'm psychic O.o. Anyway, there's another idea of yours I think I'll use. I won't say which, but you'll see! And BTW, the little action scene with Fox vs. the Ice Climbers wasn't really all that important ^^;;; I just added it in there because I figured "this is a PHYSICAL fighting game. There should be some PHYSICAL fighting in it!" so there ya go. And I'm very sorry this took me so long to write!! My computer crashed terribly, and I had to fix it and stuff, plus I've been on my mom's computer a lot more, burning CDs and such. Sorry!! Anyway, chapter 3 will come sooner! Sorry about the overusage of the word fuck ^^;; Roy was really POed. 


	3. Chaptaa fwee :D

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 3)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

WAR-NING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game (peh! I wish! I wish I owned . . . yeeeheee . . . LINK too ^^).

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 3)

Mewtwo looked around in the kitchen. He was _extremely_ bored, and it was breakfast time. Ganondorf burst into the kitchen, throwing a fit about Yoshi having stolen his toothbrush, when Pichu had really stolen it and hollowed it out to make himself a - very tiny - bong. Mewtwo knew what he must do. Mewtwo was in love with Joanna Dark, so he decided to imitate her. He went against the wall and crept very slowly toward the cupboard. "Yoshi, my toothbrush is a major necessity in my life, and you just stole it from me!" Ganondorf wailed. Yoshi sighed as Pichu jumped on the table with his new bong and started taking puffs from it. He walked right beside Ganondorf and started puffing. "Ganondorf, I _didn't_ steal your toothbrush! Would you stop accusing me for living, because _Pichu_ stole the brush!" Yoshi shouted. Pichu nodded slowly. "Yeah, actually, I did. Makes a nice little bong," he said. Ganondorf shook his head. "Pichu, that's very noble of you to stick up for Yoshi like that, but really, it's unnecessary. I know the little bastard stole it, so he can fess up by himself," he said. Mewtwo opened the cupboard, grabbed the Cookie Crisp, then floated out of there quickly, but carefully. He prepared a tiny ball of psychokinetic energy in his palm in case Ganondorf saw him. He sped up, floating past the table where Y'Link was cheering him on. Ganondorf didn't even notice the purple cat floating past with his favourite cereal in hand. "Yoshi, why don't you just calm down!? Honestly, clams have feelings, too! You're awful!" Ganondorf sighed and stormed our of the room. Mewtwo saw Ganondorf coming from the kitchen as he stood in the hallway. _Shit,_ he thought, _he's going to see me!_ He glanced at the end of the hallway where he saw the common room. He took a quick glance at Ganondorf, who had turned around to add something else to his - already long - list of reasons he despised Yoshi. Mewtwo leapt out behind the flower pot he was hiding behind and sped toward the end of the hallway. "Mewtwo!" Ganondorf screamed. He had spotted him. He quickly began to run after the violet feline, shaking the house with his considerable mass. Mewtwo gulped and spun around. He stuck out his three-fingered hand, and. . . . **_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!_** A mass of indigo psychokinetic energy hit Ganondorf at full force. He stood there confused for one moment, then the next he had been knocked out, and he flew out of the hallway and back into the kitchen. He sailed over the breakfast table where everyone looked up in surprise. After he had cleared the table, he continued to fly . . . until the cupboard stopped him. SMACK! He ran into it . . . back first. He sank slowly to the floor and flopped down. The entire table gasped (some clapped their hands over their mouths, Yoshi being one of those) and turned around. Everyone glared at Mewtwo who stood there - wide-eyed and very surprised - who was there holding Ganondorf's Cookie Crisp. He smiled nervously and cleared his throat. "Euh . . . mission complete?" he said weakly.

In the next room, Marth and Nana were fast-dancing. Marth was wearing a black ballet leotard and a pair of pink tights (that were very flattering to his . . . lower . . . region). "Okay now, Nana," Marth began, standing beside the CD player with his finger poised on the play button. "The dance goes like this." He pressed play, and the song started. "I'm a, _slaaaaaaaaaave_, for you," Marth sang along with the music as he pulled some rather impressive dance moves. Nana struggled to keep up. "Man, Marth," she said. "You're such a good dancer. How do you do it?" Just then, Popo entered the room. "Marth! What are you _wearing_!?" he exclaimed. Marth looked down at his leotard. " . . . What?" he asked offensively. Popo snorted a bit. "Well, it's just that . . . you, well," he started, "Marth, you look like a homo," he finished. Marth raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well, Popo, I happened to think that it flattered my penis considerably, and I'm sorry if you don't agree," he said. He had been thinking up anti-flamitory excuses. "Besides, leotards limber you up for dances," he added. Popo laughed. "That's why you're listening to Britney Spears. _Hooooomooooo_," he said. Marth sighed. "That's because I wish I had her boo - I mean, because she's hot. You think I like her music!? Peh! It sounds like dying cats mixed with the scraping of a trillion red-painted fingernails on a blackboard!" he muttered. Popo sighed. "Whatever, homo. You know, if you were ever in a Shakespeare play, it would be Homeo and Juliet. You wouldn't fall in love with Juliet, you'd fall in love with Tybalt, and you'd be complimenting Juliet's clothes through the whole thing," he began. He then put on a "flaming" voice. "'Juliet, sweetheart, those shoes are simply to _die_ for! Honey, where'd you get them? And that dress? Looks _marvelous_ on you! I wish I had your figure, my buns of steel workout just isn't working for me, and my hips are so chunky'!" Marth looked extremely offended. "You really think my hips are chunky!?" he cried. Popo snorted again. "_Hooooomoooo_. Pansy boy. Peh heh! Anyway. Sis! We're wanted. We have to go kick Ness's ass now," he said. Nana shrugged. "Okay," she replied. "See you, Marth! Thanks for the dance lessons! Maybe now Bowser'll look at me the same way he does Zelda." She sighed and walked away.

Much later, Y'Link was trying to comfort Mewtwo a bit. They were by Ganondorf's bed in the hospital wing, and he was still fast asleep. Dr. Mario had given him medicine and the like under one condition. "Can he give me his autograph after?" he had asked. Mewtwo rolled his eyes. "Whatever, that's up to him to decide. Just make him better!" Over the past few hours, people had been in and out between battles and other such activities to check on Ganondorf. Despite the fact he always accused people of doing things they didn't do, everyone respected Ganondorf. That is, except for the people who stole his Cookie Crisp, but they were really just in denial. Y'Link had been trying to cheer Mewtwo up, since it was his idea in the first place. "Don't worry about it, Mewtwo! He'll be okay about it!" Y'Link said. Mewtwo shook his head. "You don't understand. It wasn't like it was an accident or anything. I stole his favourite breakfast cereal, then when he wanted it back, I blasted him! I'm awful!" he cried. "And all because I wanted to be like Joanna." Y'Link raised an eyebrow. "_What_!? You mean that chick from Perfect Dark!?" he exclaimed. Mewtwo nodded slowly. Y'Link shook his head a bit. "Dude, you don't get very far trying to be like a chick." Mewtwo sighed. "But she's so _cool_," he began to whine, but then he was suddenly interrupted by the door opening slowly. Yoshi poked his head in. "Guys? Master Hand needs to speak to you," he said. Mewtwo sighed and stood, then floated out the door with Y'Link following not far behind. Yoshi grinned a bit as he watched the two go out of sight, glad that his lie had actually worked, contrary to what he originally thought. He crept into the room slowly, then sat at the foot of the bed. "Ganondorf," he said quietly. "I won't deny that you _did_ deserve what you got, but still. . . ." he paused for a moment. "I can't help but feel sorry for you." He shook his head, then stood and walked over to the door. He shut it quietly, then locked it. He silently crept back to the bed, and bent over the upper part of the bed. He sucked in a deep breath, then slowly leaned his head forward, and kissed Ganondorf (now THAT would be a WEIRD, scary, groooosssss thing to see O.o). The kiss was kind of long, but when he was about to finish, he felt Ganondorf kissing back, then slowly wrapping his arms around his neck. . . .

Word had gotten to Daisy about Luigi's having slept with Peach, and the two were in a heated argument in the common room. "I was faithful to you the _whole_ time, Luigi," Daisy growled, "and not once did I ever suspect that _you_ weren't faithful to _me_." Luigi laughed. "Well, Peach told me that she _loved_ me, something that you never did once," he said. Daisy rolled her eyes. "Well although I didn't say it, I _did_ love you. And besides, you _believed_ that skank!? Luigi, Peach'll say just about anything, so long as it results in a good, long fuck in the end of it all, and you know that," she hissed. "Peachie would _not_," Luigi said defensively. Daisy snorted. "Why do you think she's with Captain Falcon now?" she asked. Luigi sighed. "I needed a break from you, Daisy! You never let me screw you _once_, and you didn't tell me you _loved_ me once, either. Let's face it, Daisy; you were boring," he muttered. Daisy narrowed her eyes. "Luigi, you and I are _through_," she snapped. She threw back her hand, then slapped the green-suited plumber ringingly across the face. She then stomped off.

That night at dinner, tons of people were mad at one another. Luigi and Daisy weren't speaking because of their fight, Mario and Peach weren't talking because of _their_ fight, Peach and Captain Falcon weren't saying anything to eachother because Peach was mad that Falcon had forgotten to lock the door when they were "busy", Shiek and Zelda weren't speaking for obvious reasons, and so on. It was very tense that night. "Will you please ask _him_ to pass the butter?" Zelda asked Jigglypuff, gesturing to Shiek, who was sitting across the table from her. "Can you pass Zelda the butter, Shiek?" Jigglypuff asked politely. Shiek grinned a very sarcastic grin, that wasn't visable from behind his head-wrap, but his eyes revealed all. "You can tell that stuck-up slut to stand up and get her own friggin' butter, because I'm concentrating on my own supper right now, and I don't feel like concerning myself with that royal bitch," he said. Zelda glared at him. "I can _hear_ you, you piece of shit," she growled. Shiek smirked (which was, once again, only visable from his eyes). "Really? Well then, _princess_, _I_ wasn't the one who started it, was I?" he said in a sarcastic tone. "I'm sorry, _Shiek_, but if you're so mature, then why did you continue with it?" Zelda said. Shiek snorted. "I was merely demonstrating the foolishness of someone telling someone to tell someone else something when that first someone's already there. Come on, Zel, that just ain't cool," he said. Zelda made an attempt at a retort, but couldn't think of anything, so she improvised. "'Ain't' _isn't_ a word, you language arts-flunkie," she snapped. Shiek laughed. "I'm sorry, your royal idiocy, but last time I checked, all through high school I got better marks than you in every single subject," he replied. Zelda laughed. "Because you were a _loser_! I was too busy with my colourful social life to really worry about my grades!" She flipped back her hair. Jigglypuff suddenly looked angry. "WILL YOU BOTH JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!?" she screamed. The entire table fell silent. "I was _trying_ to be nice to you two immature jerks, but you didn't even notice!" Kirby looked up. "Yeah! Cut Jigglypuff a break, here!" he chided. Jigglypuff sighed. "We all _know_ you two are still in love with eachother, so why don't you just admit it, and apologize!?" she said pointedly. Shiek stuck his nose in the air. "_She_ can apologize first. _I_ shouldn't have to apologize. _I_ was in love with her, and she showed her affection in return by flirting with Bowser. I don't find that fair," he muttered. Zelda's eyes widened. "You . . . loved me?" she whispered. "Yes, I did, Zelda. I was _going_ to tell you that when _you_ told _me_ you loved me, but you stormed off, because you're so stubborn!" Shiek huffed. Zelda laughed. "Sorry, Shiek, but _I'm_ not the one who got jealous over a green turtle with spikes on his shell," she said. Shiek snorted. "Jealous!? I was not jealous!" he exclaimed. "You were too, you twit!" Zelda snapped in reply. "I am _not_ a pregnant gold fish!" Shiek cried, sounding quie shocked. Zelda raised an eyebrow, and looked VERY confused. "What!?" Zelda interjected. Shiek shook his head. "Nevermind. But the fact is, Zelda, that you are selfish," he said. Zelda laughed. "Oh, really, Shiek?" she spat. "I don't think so. I was being _nice_ to Bowser." Bowser, from across the table, looked hurt, and a bit offended. "More like leading me on! I thought you liked me!" he sighed. "You had me believing that for once I might not have to _steal_ a girlfriend and actually _get_ one that _liked_ me!" Nana almost spoke up, but she didn't. Shiek looked at Zelda, triumph evident on his face. Zelda's eyes started to well up with tears, then in a half second, they immediately started spilling down her cheeks. "Just _stop_, okay!?" she wailed. She buried her face in her satin-gloved hands. "I'm s-sorry. . . ." Shiek looked at her sympathetically. He sucked in a deep breath, then got up and walked around the table until he got to Zelda. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Zelda," he said quietly. "I'm sorry." Zelda looked up at him, tears still streaming down her face. "I shouldn't have gotten jealous of Bowser. I honestly didn't know that you loved me. I'm sorry." Zelda looked even more upset. "Shiek. . . !" she cried, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his chest. "Awwwww!" came the voices of everyone at the table. Zelda and Shiek looked up, blushed, then ran off to someplace more private. Mewtwo sighed suddenly. "I really hope Ganondorf's all right," said the lavender pussy. Er, wait a sec. Okay, that's not what I meant, but give me a break! How many more nouns for "cat" can you find!? Sure, "purple"'s easy. I can still use mauve or puce for the adjective. But words for cat ain't easy, folks. Er, **aren't**. "Don't worry about it, Mewtwo. Come to think of it, where's Yoshi?" Y'Link asked. 

One, two, skip a few . . . forty-four, skip some more . . . ninty-nine, one hundred. There we go, Ganondorf and Yoshi's scene is over, folks. Sorry, but looks to me as if you may have to wait until next chapter! 

Sandbag sat alone, crying in the dark. "Whyyyyy!?" he wailed, his voice echoing through the halls. "Why is it that every single day I must be bruised and battered just for people to find out how far they can hit things?" he sobbed. "Whyyyyyy!?" By this time, the poor bag of sand had cried so much that he had gotten himself all wet. Just then, he heard a familiar voice. . . . "Shut the fuck up she said, I'm going fuckin' deaf you're always too loud, everything's too loud," came the voice of Pikachu, singing yet ANOTHER Blink 182 song. He stopped for a moment. "Hey, Sandbag!" he called. "I'm bored, mind if I hit you around for a little while?" Sandbag looked frightened. "N-no!" he cried, starting to hop away. Pikachu looked confused. "What? What's wrong? All I'm going to do is grab a hard wooden bat and beat you with it a couple of times, possibly rupturing your entire outer casing and spilling all of your innards onto the playing field, killing you and making everyone cry and mourn over your death and go to your funeral dressed all in black to sing hymns and praise your once beautiful and hopeful life. Some people may be so upset that they may just die, you know! I mean, I'm sure you have a Mommy Sandbag and a Daddy Sandbag; maybe a few Brother and/or Sister Sandbags. Hell, I bet you've even got a beautiful Wife Sandbag and a few Sandbag Juniors back home. In fact, you know, now that you've cried so much, all of your sand'll be mud, so it would go SPLAT and fly over everyone in the crowd. Actually, that might be kinda cool. Wheee, bag guts!" he said. As you can probably guess, Pikachu sometimes tended to go off topic a bit. Of course, right then he decided he would sing yet ANOTHER Blink 182 song that didn't fit the context in the slightest bit. "I took her out, it was a Friday night, I walked her home, to get the feeling right. We started making out, and she took off my pants. . . ." Sandbag winced. "No!! You hear me, Pikachu!? I _quit_! No one's EVER hitting me with a bat again!" he cried, hopping over to the props' dormitory. Pikachu followed him and watched as the bag started to stuff clothes and such into a duffel bag. "I don't care if I don't get paid for the short time I was here! Yoshi hit me far enough, and you unlocked your stupid stage! I've had it!" He grabbed the bag with his nonexistant arm and hopped through the doorway, never to be seen again by anyone from Melee for at least a week. Pikachu raised an eyebrow. "What the. . . ? Ahhh well," he said. Of course, then he started to sing another Blink 182 song. "I . . . know a guy . . . he had sex with his sister. . . ." What!? What is _wrong_ with this yellow mouse!? I mean, sure, he likes Blink, and so do I, and so do many others, but honestly, why can't he sing any of the other songs!? "Fuckin' and suckin' and touchin' . . . it's mother's daaaaaay. . . ." Whaaaaa. . . !? Okay, there's something about that just doesn't sit with me right. Let's say we leave Pikachu alone for the rest of the chapter, and hope that there are some songs he just did NOT act out. . . .

Once again, Roy sat in his room, a joint alight. He was so happy that he'd had no interruptions as of yet. Pichu was passed out and vomiting from an ecstacy overdose (not cool O.o but hey, it's Pichu! He'll be okay!), and Donkey Kong was passed out from drinking too much brandy. Yep, it certainly was a nice night for Roy. He had a thick, smelly cloud of smoke all around his head, but to him it was like a cloud of heaven (O.o). But suddenly, Link burst into the room. "Roy!" he shouted. Donkey Kong stirred from the lower bunk bed. "Oi, mate, don't yell so _loud_," he groaned. Link ignored him. "Roy, this is driving me insane. I can't figure out who's gay by myself, here. I need a bit of help, please," he pleaded. Unfortunately for him, Roy was unbelievably out of it. That was his thirteenth joint that night. Of course, Link didn't get an answer. He stood there for about five minutes until finally, Roy gave him a straight (haha, no pun intended) answer. ". . . Nooo. . . ." he said, veeeeery slowly. Link sighed. "Dude, you are _really_ fucked up. You oughta cut it out with the joints, 'coz you're going to kill yourself or something. Anyway, I'll see you later. Talk to me tomorrow about this, kay?" Link left. Ten minutes later - even though Link was gone - Roy responded. ". . . Kaaayyyy. . . ."

Fox and Falco were really bored. "Dude," Fox started, "this is boring." Falco nodded in agreement. "Yup," he said. "Hey, you know what I noticed?" he asked. Fox raised an eyebrow. "No, Falco, why don't you tell me?" he questioned in reply. Falco suddenly looked pretty pissed off. "The stupid bitch who wrote this fic . . . I think her name's Nekonezume . . . anyway . . . she hasn't put us in this that much, has she?" he growled. Uh oh, I think I know where this is going. Fox nodded slowly. "Hey, yeah . . . you're right, she doesn't put us in much. In fact, I'd say we're in here the least," he said. Just then, Mr. Game and Watch, Kirby, and Dr. Mario popped up from behind the couch. "Actually, we're not in it much, either," they said in unison. Then, the Ice Climbers hopped out from behind the nearby television set. "We're not in it much," said Popo. "Although my stupid sister here'll be in it a lot more soon. Does that mean she's more _special_ than we are, Nekonezume?" Guys, really! I'm not trying to count you out, honest! "Honest, ehhh? Then how come the only time _I'm_ in this stupid fuckin' fic is when you feel like beating me up!?" cried Ness, jumping out of the lightbulb in the lamp. Er, wait . . . how'd he do that!? Honestly, guys, I can explain! "Can you?" came the voices of a whole shitload of Pokémon, who appeared at the doorway. "We're all _in_ the game, but we're never in your fic! Way to include _everyone_, stupid bitch! We oughta kick your ass!" Meep! Really, guys! Please! I try my hardest, honest, I do! It's hard to include every single one of you! "Well, what about us!?" shouted Bob-Omb and Freezie, flying out of an electrical wire (what the. . . !?). Please, don't hurt me! They all advanced on me very slowly, and they looked as if they were about to hurt me very very badly, when all of a sudden. . . . **_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_** I smacked my hand down on my alarm clock automatically, then bolted straight out of bed. I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead, then realized something. It had only been a _dream_! But then, I made a decision, and I wrote it in enormous letters on my calendar. PUT MORE CHARACTERS IN CHAPTER FOUR.

Popo and Nana were just getting ready for bed; brushing their teeth together. The only time the two were actually apart was . . . actually, nevermind, outside battle, they were ALWAYS apart. "Soooo, Sis," began Popo, spitting the mixture of toothpaste and saliva ( . . . charming) into the sink, "what's this about you liking Bowser?" Nana's face went from her normal flesh colour to a deep crimson. She spat into the sink as well. "Er, well. . . ." she stuttered. Her brother laughed. "Come on, Nana. He's a TURTLE. A TURTLE. He's green, he smells like onions, and he's got spikes all over his back that could rip you to shreds. What's the attraction!?" he exclaimed. Nana looked at her feet. "He's nice. . . ." she said quietly. Popo shook his head. "Sis, a guy who steals princesses for a living is _nice_!? You're not even a _princess_, Nana, so why don't you just face it? Bowser won't ever look at you the same way he does Zelda and Peach, and probably Daisy, and it's because you're not a princess. I'm going to bed." He stomped off. Tears welled up in Nana's eyes. _If I'm not a princess now, then I will be,_ she thought. _I will be soon._

Peach decided she'd might as well go to bed now. She was bored, afterall, with no one there to sleep with. She and Mario were through, and she and Captain Falcon weren't speaking with eachother. She knew it would be a long night, though, all because usually she slept much better after being tired out for one reason or another, and she slept _much_ better when someone was there with her. She sighed and walked slowly out to the kitchen to get herself some warm milk. Maybe that would help her get to sleep. When she arrived in the kitchen, the first person she noticed there was Mario. She put her hand to her forehead, then managed a weak "hi". Mario looked up, and noticed who it was. He shot the princess a sad, hurt look, then looked back down to the cup of hot chocolate he was preparing. "Hi," he muttered unhappily. Peach sighed. She felt absolutely awful, especially since now she was alone because of her own greed. She coughed as she opened the refridgerator and grabbed the milk. "Couldn't sleep?" she said quietly. Mario cleared his throat, and didn't look up from his hot chocolate once. "I couldn't sleep last night, either," he murmured. Peach sighed. "Mario, I'm so sorry," she started, but Mario glared at her, and interrupted. "Well, good," he said. "You should be. I loved you, Peach, and I was certain you loved me, too. What went wrong?" Just as you could probably guess, Pikachu stuck his head in the kitchen door and started singing. "What went wrong, 'coz you said this was right, you fucked up my life," he sang. Mario sighed. "I'm going now," he grumbled, grabbing his hot chocolate and heading to the common room to look out the window for awhile. Peach sighed and watched him leave. "I'm sorry, Mario," she whispered sadly. And believe it or not, she actually was.

**END OF CHAPTER 3**

A/N: Personal rant here. Someone at the IGN boards (I'll be nice, and I won't name any names, but let's just say that you know who you are, shall we?) decided he would pass off my work as his own. That's just not cool. I appreciate you liking my fic enough to pretend you wrote it, but please give credit where due. It's not very nice of you to go on like that. Anyway, I hope that someday you can write a piece of work of your very own, not copied off ANYONE, and have people enjoy it that way. Good luck to you. Anyway, since apparently people LIKE this fic (don't ask me how that happened, coz I didn't really mean for it to :p), I should probably apologize for this chapter being so late. I had . . . uggghhh . . . EXAMS last week, and I had to study (although I didn't do that very much and flunked half the exams anyway :p). You know, I think I'm going to start dating when these fics are finished, just so I can prove that I in fact did write them, and that my ideas are original. Big thanks goes out to Houndoom229 once again for the Bowser-and-Nana idea and the Sandbag idea! And BTW, TailsShadowVivi12, you correctly guessed the Ganondorf-and-Yoshi coupling ^-^ good job, you get an invisable cookie :p. And BTW, I NEED HELP! I'm having a lot of trouble with Fox and Falco, and I don't have a CLUE as to what I should do with them ;_; e-mail me here or write a review, and please tell me what I should do with these guys!! And by the way, I'm very sorry this chapter isn't that great ^^;;;. Sorry if it's getting too mushy for your tastes. I really hope I won't lose any readers because of this chapter. Anyway, chapter 4'll come much sooner than this one did! 


	4. p3R F0R, 00!

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 4)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

WAR-NING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game (peh! I wish! I wish I owned . . . yeeeheee . . . LINK too ^^).

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 4)

Zelda woke up with the sun pouring in through the window. She yawned and stretched in the bed a little bit, then cuddled in closer with Shiek, who lay there in the bed nude, and still asleep. This slowly woke him up. "Morning," he whispered. Zelda lifted her head of Shiek's chest, then rolled over so that she was looking down on him. "Morning," she replied, leaning down and kissing him. Shiek wrapped his arms around her. "Sleep well?" he asked. Zelda grinned. "You know I did," she replied. The night before, after the two left the dinner table, they ran into the dormitory and talked for awhile. Shiek sheepishly asked her out, she said yes, and they continued to . . . er, well, you get the picture. They had been asleep by the time all the men went to bed, so no one really noticed that they were in bed together. Until now. "Dude, why is Zelda's dress on the floor?" asked Fox from the bunk under the one Shiek and Zelda were on. Their eyes went very wide. "_Shit_," they hissed in unison. Fox inspected the ground even more closely. "Dude, her undies are here and everything!" he exclaimed. He climbed up the ladder that went up to the top bunk a short way up, then looked over the bedside. He saw Shiek's wide eyes staring up at the ceiling, and the back of Zelda's head buried into Shiek's chest. Fox raised his eyebrows. "Dude! Shiek and Zelda were _bangin'_ last night!" he exclaimed, waking a few people up. Shiek's face changed to a red so bright it matched his eyes perfectly. "Good job, Shiek, ya finally nailed her!" Dr. Mario and Mr. Game & Watch peeked their heads over the top of the bed. "Zelda!" they exclaimed in unison. "Can we have your autograph!?" Zelda groaned. "Not _now_," she muttered. Just then, Link woke up as well. "What's all the commotion?" he asked sleepily from the top bunk of the neighbouring bed. He yawned, then glanced over at Shiek's bunk. He immediately stopped yawning, and his eyes shot wide open. "Whoa!" he interjected. "Am I seeing what I _think_ I'm seeing!? Did you finally get Zel in the sack, Shiek!?" If it was possible, Shiek's face went even redder right then. "Whoa, man, good job! You got her a lot faster than I did when we were going out. It took me at least a _week_ to get her to have sex with me! I applaud you!" Y'Link sighed from the bottom bunk of Link's bed. "I guess this means Zelda doesn't like me, like I _thought_ she did," he pouted. Marth hopped out of bed as well, then looked up at Shiek's bunk. "Well I'll be fucked in the ass by Li - I mean, well, I'll be fucked in the ass, Shiek and Zelda are together! About time!" he exclaimed. Shiek sighed. "Will you people _please_ stop!? I mean, we just - Zelda, what are you doing?" he asked, noticing Zelda's head sinking slowly beneath the covers. "Everyone's already seen you, and even if they haven't, they'll know you're here by - oh, that's what you're doing . . . well, in that case, go ahead!" He giggled a bit.

Yoshi's eyes slowly opened. For a moment, he wondered where he was. Then he remembered. He smiled a bit, then got a bit closer to the massive form that had his arms wrapped tightly around the green dragon. "Morning," said Ganondorf suddenly. Yoshi smiled even more. "Morning," he replied. Oh, man. You guys all _know_ what happened between Yoshi and Ganondorf, right!? The night before!? Grooooosss! I mean, one of the most evil (not to mention ugly) men in all of Nintendo history . . . and a cute, little green dragon . . . doing . . . it. Just . . . gyeh! There goes my lunch, right out the window! "I think we should talk for a sec, though, Yosh," said Ganondorf. Yoshi looked up at him. "What about?" he asked. Ganondorf coughed a bit. "Well, er, it's just that. . . ." he sighed and trailed off. "I don't think I'm ready for _everyone_ to know about us just yet, okay?" Yoshi nodded. "No problem," he replied. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Yoshi's eyes widened. "_Shit_! Ganondorf, get your clothes on!" hissed Yoshi, leaping out of Ganondorf's arms and onto the floor. "Hey, Ganondorf, you okay?" it was Mewtwo. Yoshi glanced at the window, where the shades were down from the inside. He saw a violet eye making an attempt at looking through to the other side, and he panicked. Quickly, he ran to the door and opened it slowly. "Huy?" he said quickly. "Is Ganondorf okay? Can I talk to him?" Mewtwo asked sadly. Yoshi coughed. "Er, well, euh, he's, euh, still asleep," he said. Mewtwo raised an eyebrow. "Hey, were you here all night, Yosh?" he asked suspiciously. Yoshi coughed again. "Euhr, well, euh, yeah, but only because I was worried about him. He and I are good friends, you know," he said. Mewtwo laughed. "Come on, Yosh, you hate Ganondorf, and he hates you. Tell me why you're really here. You're not trying to _kill_ him, are you, Yoshi!?" he gasped with horror. Yoshi's eyes became wide. "What!? No! I tell you, we're friends! We just fight sometimes! Friends fight, right? Hahaha. Well, in any event, I've, euh, gotta go. Seeya!" With that, Yoshi sped out of the room as fast as his little red-bootied legs could take him. Mewtwo sighed and shook his head, then entered the room slowly. He saw that Ganondorf was actually awake, although his clothes were on the floor. _Dammit!_ he thought. _I forgot to get dressed! Now he's really going to suspect something!_ Mewtwo glanced at the clothes on the floor. "What, euh, happened here?" he asked. Ganondorf coughed. "Well, euh, you know what, eh, happens in here . . . it gets really hot and stuffy and you just have to take off all your clothes and kind of, well . . . air yourself off, go a-flappin' in the breeze, get my drift? Er . . . no pun intended," he said quickly. Mewtwo winced. "Erm, a little . . . too much information there, pal. But. . . ." he sighed a bit. "I just . . . really want to apologize for what I did. The whole Cookie Crisp incident, even. I feel horrible, and I didn't mean to, uh, blow you up." He hung his head. Ganondorf grinned. "Don't worry about it, Mewtwo! I had a great sleep when I was knocked out -" _ - Not just from your psychokinetic energy, heh heh -_ "- so I'm in a great mood!" _What happened last night helped a bit, too, heh heh!_ Mewtwo's face brightened up a bit. "Are you sure?" he asked uncertainly. "You mean you're not going to yell at me and blame me for everything?" Ganondorf laughed. "I'm sure, and no, I won't. Don't worry 'bout it, Mewtwo! All is well," he said. Mewtwo shrugged a bit. "Okay, then. But I still feel as if I should repay you in some way. Is there anything?" he asked. Ganondorf bit his lip, looking somewhat contemplative, then spoke. "Well . . . can you keep a secret?" he asked.

Fifteen minutes later, Mewtwo walked out of the hospital room, looking utterly disgusted. Ganondorf had told him about he and Yoshi. The mauve polecat (so he's not a skunk, sue me, there aren't enough cat-synonyms) pushed the thought out of his mind and reached into his pockets (ok, he was wearing his pyjamas . . .). He pulled out a picture of Joanna Dark wearing . . . err . . . not much. Mewtwo grinned mischieviously, then ran out to a nearby bathroom. Er, ewwww.

Falco sat at the breakfast table, drinking milk from a tiny carton through a straw. He was sitting beside Marth, who was busy diggin' into some Belgian waffles (lightly dusted with a lovely icing sugar, only the freshest strawberries, some light whipped cream, and a drizzle of pure Canadian maple syrup). But Falco just sat there, guzzlin' his milk down. Finally, he reached the bottom of the carton, and started slurping loudly. This irritated Marth. "Falco, please," he started. "It's the end of the carton. There's nothing left." Falco ignored this, and continued slurping away. "Falco, _please_," Marth begged. Falco continued to slurp, getting even louder and louder. "_Dude, Falco!_ There's no fucking milk left! Put the damn carton down!" Falco started one big, long slurp, but Marth grabbed the container and tossed it across the room, hitting Ness square in the noggin with the sharp corner of the container. "_Ow_!" he exclaimed. "Marth, what the hell did you do that for!?" Popo glanced over at Marth, then at his breakfast. He snorted loudly. "So much for your little 'diet', eh Marth?" he said mockingly. "So much for not having chunky hips anymore?" Marth frowned. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "This is all I'm eating all day. It's my new diet plan; eat a nice, big, fattening breakfast, then chew gum the rest of the day." Popo laughed a bit more. "Whaaaaatever," he said. "Homo." Falco's eyes lit up. "Marth's gay!?" he interjected. Marth's eyes widened. "_No_, I'm _not_ gay!" he cried. "Come on, look at this body! I would waste this on wo - er - MEN, would I!? No way, I'm in it for the chicks." Popo laughed a bit more. "There's no use trying to hide it, ya big homo, we all know it already," he muttered. Marth quickly made note that Link wasn't at the table, and sighed with relief. Unfortunately, he noticed that Samus wasn't there either. _Damn damn damn!_ he thought. _They must be - _ He paused his thoughts as Link and Samus entered the room, holding hands. "Ya know, Samus," Link started, "a nice quickie in the morning is a good way to wake up." If Samus's face had been visable then, everyone would have noticed the fact that she was blushing. "I don't know what you're talking about!" she said with a slight laugh, running into the kitchen to grab some cereal. Marth mentally sighed. _I knew it,_ he thought. _There's no chance that he's anywhere NEAR being gay now._

By noon, Fox and Falco had quite the craving for a pizza. "Dammit," Fox grumbled, "why don't they have pizza here? All they supply us with is shit!" Falco nodded in agreement. "Hey, yeah, good point. Why don't we go _get_ a pizza, then?" he asked. Fox snorted loudly. "For two reasons," he began. "One, we have no money. Two, if we did, they wouldn't let us _out_ of here." Falco laughed. "Uh, _duuuude_, since when do we go by the rules!? Let's go mug a pizza place! There's one down the road!" he said enthusiastically. Fox smirked. "I like the way you think. I'll steal some of Peach's pantyhose, you get the SuperSoakers," he said. Falco nodded affirmatively and headed to the recreation closet, where things such as old Nintendo systems (GameBoys, NES, SNES, 64, etc.), SuperSoakers, a ping-pong table (paddles, balls, etc.) and other such recreational items. He grabbed two huge waterguns and proceeded to the washroom to fill them up with water. Fox sped into the girl's dormitory (he was kind of hoping he'd get a glimpse of one of the girls changing, but no one was in there). He looked around the room, until he saw a dresser of light pink with a darker pink boarder, and a golden crown at the top of the mirror. Across the golden crown in a painted-pink embossment read "PEACH TOADSTOOL". It looked rather pleasant, but Fox didn't give a flying Pikachu testicle right then as he tore open the top drawer and pulled out a pair of ugly brown pantyhose. He wondered why Peach even had those, but then shrugged it off and sped out of the room. He heard a tap running, and noticed it was coming from the washroom. His guess was that Falco was filling up the SuperSoakers, so he sped into the washroom the sound was coming from. Of course, there stood Falco, filling up a pair of ENORMOUS water guns. Fox smirked, and grabbed a pair of nasal-hair-trimming scissors from a toothbrush rack. He started to cut the pantyhose so that the two would be able to fit it over their heads and look like a couple of thugs. "Almost ready?" Fox asked. Falco grinned a bit and snagged the sunglasses from his front-breast (haha, get it!! CHICKEN BREAST! HAHAHAH! . . . *cough* anyway. . . .) pocket. He unfolded them and put them on. "This is going to be so cool," he said.

Peach slowly walked behind Captain Falcon. She was lonely once again, and very sad. She realized that sex wasn't the only thing she loved; she also loved the relationships that went along with the sex. The hand-holding, the kissing, the hugging, and the loving eachother. She and Mario were quite obviously through (she had tried to talk to him once again that morning, but that really didn't go over too well; he yelled at her and told her to go away), so she thought she'd try to get Captain Falcon to come around, despite the fact _she_ had been mad at _him_, and not the other way around. She cleared her throat slightly. "Falcon. . . ?" she said slowly and cautiously, hoping that he wouldn't get mad at her the same way Mario did. Captain Falcon sat there on the couch, his head buried in his hands. When he heard Peach's voice, he raised his head quickly. "Peachie?" he whispered hopefully. Peach sat down beside him, and looked into his eyes. She noticed they were puffy and red. He had been crying. Peach put on a very sad expression. "Oh, Falcon," she said, putting one of her hands on top of his. "I'm so sorry. That was a really stupid reason for me to get mad. I was foolish and naive. I'm sorry. Can we give it another shot?" Falcon smiled weakly. "Okay . . . but please, don't do it again," he said. Peach smiled a bit, then gave him a hug. She promised she wouldn't. And this time, she meant it. For once in her life, she decided she'd keep a relationship, and no matter how boring it seemed to get, she wouldn't leave it.

Wario was comforting Daisy, who was crying hard and had her head rested on his shoulder. Daisy took the breakup between she and Luigi very hard; although she hadn't said "I love you" to Luigi, she really did. She hadn't stopped crying since the breakup, which was when she had started. "There there, shhh," Wario said, patting the poor woman on the back to try and calm her down a little bit. She simply sobbed harder and blew her nose into Wario's yellow shirt. "I'm so sorry, Wario," she wailed, "but Luigi was my life. To find out he was cheating on me with _Peach_ of all people! _Peach_, my archenemy!" Wario raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Peach is your archenemy? Since when?" he asked. Daisy lifted her head from his shoulder, then put on a very angry face. "Since _always_," she growled. "Peach has always bragged to me about how wonderful her life was. About how _great_ the Mushroom Kingdom was in comparison to measley Sarasaland, where money isn't abundant. As childhood 'friends' she would always brag about the trophies she received in beauty pagents. Well, what about _me_!? Why didn't _I_ get any trophies!? Am I not beautiful enough!?" She paused to let Wario know that he should probably answer the question, and he quickly obliged. "N-no! You're _very_ beautiful!" he exclaimed nervously. Daisy's eyes went from hard to soft (OI, getchah mind outtah tha guttah!), and she looked at Wario. "You really think I'm beautiful?" she asked. Wario grinned a bit, and nodded slowly. "Well, yeah," he said. "Sure as the grass is green!" Daisy's eyes welled up with tears once again, and she started crying and gave Wario a great big hug. "Warioooo! That's so nice of yoooou!" she sobbed. Wario had the expression of someone who was panicked and not quite sure what to do on his face. He gently patted her on the head for lack of anything better to do.

Fox and Falco tore through the neighbourhood as fast as they could go, shooting pedestrians with their waterguns as they ran past. Initially, everyone cast onto Melee was not allowed to leave the building for a week, due to the fact that HAL was videotaping the game (they took the live footage of the characters, then programmed it to look the same way when you did something, and it turned out rather well, although many of the cast complained about how painful it was to turn into a trophy for a few minutes, then back again), and they could ask for any cast member at any minute. Fox and Falco obviously didn't give a flying Raichu nut about the rules. They were troublemakers by nature. They sped down the road, occasionally shooting people and laughing, until they finally arrived at Giovanni's Pizza (ever since Team Rocket had failed, Giovanni made a pitiful attempt at opening a pizza place, and it's the first plan of his that had ever been successful). The two ducked down outside the shop. "Okay," Fox started, darting his eyes from Falco to the door. "On the count of three, we run in, shoot whoever's in charge, and we grab the pizza. Okay?" Falco nodded affirmatively. "Good enough," he said. He laughed suddenly. "Man, does your face ever look smushed with that pantyhose over it!" he snorted. Fox rolled his eyes. "One," he began, "two, three." The two hopped up from the hedge they were hiding behind and raced up the cement walkway. They pushed the glass door open, and the little bell chimed, telling the world of Giovanni's Pizza that two "customers" had just arrived. "Welcome to Giovanni's Pizza," said a handsome young man with blue hair to his shoulders. "May I take your - FUCK, THEY'VE GOT GUNS!" Fox and Falco grinned maliciously as they pulled out their SuperSoakers and aimed them at the blue-haired boy. They fired abruptly, getting the kid soaking wet. "What's going on out here?" came a feminine voice. A pretty girl with shocking raspberry-coloured hair done into an interesting curl came out. Her eyes widened as Falco switched his fire from the boy to the girl. "AAHHH!! James, DO something!" cried the girl. The boy (James, I take it) squirmed. "I can't, Jesse!" he whined. "It's too cold! Ahhhhh, my nuts are shrinking!" Jesse frowned from under the water that was hitting her in the face. "What nuts!?" she shouted. James looked upset. "Jesse, that was below the belt. . . ." he said sadly. The two continued arguing, and Fox and Falco saw this as their chance. Quickly, they grabbed the two pizzas off the counter and ran out of there as fast as they could.

That night, Master Hand and his left-handed counterpart snuck in and set up a nice karaoke dinner theatre for the entire cast of Melee. The first people to notice were Peach and Captain Falcon as they entered the room holding hands. "Hmm? What's all this, then?" Falcon asked. If Master Hand had a mouth, he would've grinned right then. "It's like, this, uhm, Ryo-Ohki thing," he said stupidly. The lefty rolled his - ah fuck, he doesn't HAVE eyes >_ "Uhm, hello, it's KARAOKE. Ryo-Ohki is a cabbit," he muttered. Master Hand scratched his - GYAH! Now who made this hand-bastard so hard to describe!? No eyes, no head, no bloody face, fer cryin' oot loud!! GYAHHHH! *coughs* Anyway. . . . "Yeah, er, I knew that. A Loreena Bobbit," said Master Hand. Lefty there jumped back a bit. "Dude, Loreena Bobbit!? That's that figure skater that tried to cut off her husband's dick! How did you get _that_ from karaoke!?" he cried in surprise. Master Hand shook his - GYAAAAAAHHHH DAMMIT!! "Er, never mind or something. Any way, it's a Karen Ohkee-" he started. Lefty interrupted. "I give up!" he shouted. He walked away. Master Hand ignored this and continued anyway. "And you sing and dance and all kinds of funlike stuff! Wheeeeee!" he walked away. Peach raised an eyebrow. "Certainly is an odd one. Anyway, why don't we give it a shot?" she asked. Captain Falcon shrugged. "I don't see why not," he said. The two walked up on the stage and chose the song the were going to sing. "Babe, I got you babe," they sang in unison. The other cast members in the house heard all the commotion and decided to enter. Bob-Ombs, Freezies, Topis and the polar bear dudes were all putting menus on the table as all the Pokémon, Yoshi, Ganondorf, Marth, the Ice Climbers, Roy, and Bowser entered. "What's going on here?" Marth asked. Samus and Link sped in suddenly. "We want to do a duet!" they screamed in frantic unison. They were in luck, because Captain Falcon and Peach had just finished their own duet. They both grinned. "It's all yours," said Peach into the microphone. Samus took off her helmet, and grinned at Link. He grinned back. The two ran up to the stage, and put on the song they wanted. . . . "I wanna, l-l-l-lick you from your head to your toes," they sang. Gyah, THAT song, of all things they could be singing!? Well . . . of course, I suppose they would take that into context. While Link and Samus were singing, people began to sit down and order food. Just then, in the middle of the song, Falco and Fox burst into the room, carrying pizzas and SuperSoakers. "WHOOOT!" they shouted in glee. "Anyone want some pizza?" Fox asked with a grin.

Hours later, Pikachu had sung "Happy Holidays, You Bastard" by Blink 182, Nana had ripped off her winter coat to reveal a very scant article of clothing as she danced down the aisle and to Bowser's table singing "I'm a Slave For You" by *shudder* Britney Spears (to the great encouragement of Marth, her dance instructor), and Marth sung "Closet" by WIZO. All in all, it was a great evening. Of course, in honour of their pizza heist, Fox and Falco got up on stage and did a duet of "Makes No Difference" by Sum 41. Then, Roy decided he'd get up and sing a lovely song that described him perfectly. . . . "I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more!" he sang. Yes, indeed. Speaking of which, right after he sang that, he went off to his room to light up. "I've been to Mushroom Mountain, once or twice but who's countin', but nothin' compares to these blue and yellow purple pills," I bet you can guess who that was, and if you can't, it was Pichu. "You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record, baby, right round round round," and that was a duet between Ganondorf and Yoshi. Well, okay, to make a long story short. everyone had their turn at singing a song. Yes, even Bowser, who was still broken hearted from what happened between he and Zelda. He and Y'Link (who was depressed that Zelda liked Shiek and not he) sang a really sad and beautiful duet of a song by the . . . ar . . . Backstreet Boys. Donkey Kong also sang "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" with a horrid drunken slur.

Link walked into the druggie-dorm where Roy sat, taking a puff on an enormous joint. He grinned at the elven man as he entered. "_Link_! Mah main man! Mah homey! Mah muchacho! Mon ami! Puraschikku foodo!" he exclaimed with a grin. "Come to join the party?" Pichu groaned on the bed and muttered something about the mermaids coming to feed him gumdrop gingerbread men and take him away to a land far, far away. Link raised an eyebrow slightly and coughed a bit. "Errr, ah, no, not really," he muttered. "But I came to ask you for another hint on who likes me." Roy grinned deviously. "Dude, you should know by now that it's Marth," he said. Link's eyes wided, then Roy realized what he had just done. "Oh . . . shit! That's it!" He threw his weed on the floor, then proceeded to jump off the bed and stomp on it until it was nothing but a big pile of mush. "I am quitting weed TODAY! Drugs are VERY BAD!" Link looked appalled. "Are . . . are you serious!?" he exclaimed. "It's _Marth_!? _Marth_ is the one that likes me!?" Roy sighed a bit as he grabbed a broom and a dust pan, then swept up all that was left of his marijuana and tossed it into the garbage bin. "Well, I guess there's no use in denying it, since you obviously know now. Yes, Link. Marth is the one that likes you," he grumbled. "But _please_ don't say anything to him! He'll _kill_ me if he finds out I told you!" Link nodded a bit, and sighed. "Okay . . . I won't say anything. Thanks, Roy."

**END OF CHAPTER FOUR**

A/N: Thanks to EVERYONE who suggested Fox and Falco be pranksters and troublemakers! Ohhhh man is this one ever going to be fun XD I have plans thanks to my friend FacyFace for the next chapter XD. I'd also like to give a huge thanks to Sum 41 XP 'coz I stole their idea for the pizza thing (only they stole a tv :p) from their "Makes No Difference" music video. Man, this was an insanely fun chapter to write, and I enjoyed it ^_^. Thanks to whoever gave me the idea of making Roy tell Link (when he's REALLY stoned) about Marth liking him ^_^ that was a kickass idea. Sorry if I don't include names much, but I get so many ideas from fans that it's hard to keep track of who gave 'em all to me O.o. Also, a big thanks to my good friend Houndoom_229 for encouragement ^_^. The whole karaoke thing was due to the fact that tomorrow is *sigh* Valentine's Day. Would someone be my Valentine? ;_; Sorry, this chapter took a lot longer than I said it would ;_; truth is, I had a bit of writer's block in the middle there, until I saw that Sum 41 video ^_^ man, I love Sum 41 ^_^ :p. As usual, comments and ideas are accepted, however I'll have to ask you all to cut back on the ideas a bit, as I am a bit flooded with them currently ^_^;;; so sorry! You all have such wonderful ideas, I wish I could use them all! As usual, thank you all for reading this pitiful story :p I hope you liked this chapter more than the last one ^_^;;; it's certainly disturbing enough :p. 


	5. Like atchaaaaa! It's totally like ehm ch...

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 5)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

WAR-NING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game (peh! I wish! I wish I owned . . . yeeeheee . . . LINK too ^^).

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 5)

Link didn't sleep at all that night. He simply could not believe that _Marth_ of all people liked him! _I mean, didn't Marth have a wet dream about Samus? I thought he was in love with her! I thought he was all proud of his so-called heterosexual self!_ he thought. He paused for a second as he realized something. He smacked himself in the face. _Ohhh, shit! He _DIDN'T_ have a wet dream about SAMUS, did he!? It was about. . . ._ He shook his head to get the thought out. _Dammit, what am I going to do!? The poor guy's a great bud of mine, but I like chicks! Especially Samus! . . . Hehehe . . . Samus. . . ._ Link's dirty Samus-thoughts commenced right then at six AM just as light was starting to pour in through the window nearby. Thanks to his dirty thoughts, Link got to sleep finally at 6:15. Unfortunately, the normal time to wake up was 7:30 AM. Unless, of course, you happen to be DK, who drinks like a fish, or Pichu, who passes out from overdoses periodically. Or, Roy, who . . . wait, he quit his joint-smokin'. Damn. He's no longer an example, then. "Hey, man, wake up!" came the voice of Marth. Link was happily dozing, and he rolled over in his bed with a cute little grin on his face. "Just five more minutes, Mum," he groaned. Marth raised an eyebrow. "Oi! Link, wake the fuck up," he muttered. Link snored even louder. Marth's expression went from slightly annoyed to downright pissed. "_Wake up_, you lazy ass!" he shouted. Link smacked his lips, and started to drool on his pillow. Marth's eyes started to glow red (meep!), and his hair caught on fire. "_**LINK, WAKE UP!**_" he shouted in a demonic voice. Link didn't lift a finger. Just then, Marth realized his hair was on fire. He screamed and put it out quickly, then resumed being angry. He glanced out in the hallway, and saw Bob-Omb walking by, his fuse lit. Marth grinned evilly, then ran out into the hallway and grabbed Bob. "Oi! Gerroff me!" the Bob-Omb shouted angrily. "Whot the bloody 'ell d'you think yo're doing, you bloody 'uman!?" Marth smirked, then tossed Bob-Omb onto Link's bed. "Let me tell you, ya yellow bastard," the Bob-Omb continued angrily. "Sod off right bloody now, or I'll get angry!" At that second, the Bob-Omb exploded. Link leapt and hit his head on the top of the other bunk above him. "OW! FUCK!" he screamed. Marth noticed that his eyes had very dark, tired circles around them. "Did you get much sleep last night, Link?" he asked cautiously. Link yawned sleepily and rubbed his head. "No . . . euh, Marth, I, eh, have to go," he said quickly. He hopped out of bed (now that he was almost certain he had a concussion) and stumbled sleepily to the washroom, where Pikachu was takin' a leak. "'Morning, Pikachu," Link grumbled as he walked over to the sink. Pikachu raised an eyebrow from the urinal. "What happened to you?" he asked. "You look as if a Bob-Omb just blew up in your face." Link groaned. "That happened, among other things," he groaned. He bent over the sink to splash some water on his face. Pikachu shook his head. "When you fuck your family I guess that's just the way it goes," he sang. Link snapped his head up from the sink. "What!?" he exclaimed. Pikachu shrugged. "I dunno, man, it just seemed like a Blink moment," he said. _Jiggle jiggle, zzzzzzip,_ and he walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

Fox and Falco sat in the lobby, thinking of something mean to do to someone. "I know!" Falco said suddenly. "How about we go and put a bucket of fish oil over the door so that the next person who walks through there'll be smelling like fish for a week?" He snorted at his brilliant plan. Fox raised an eyebrow. "Euh, no. I know! How about we put _marbles_ on the other side of the door, so that the next person who walks in falls and breaks their neck?" He immediately started whooping with laughter. Falco shook his head. "Dude, I want to be mean, but not _that_ mean. Can't go around killin' people. We need something clean, but mean. . . . Oh fuck. Hit me, Fox, I just rhymed." Just then, in through the door came Dr. Mario and Mr. Game & Watch talking excitedly. They turned and glanced at Falco and Fox sitting in their velvet purple chairs, and they stopped dead in their tracks. "Fox and Falco," said Mr. Game & Watch. The dynamic (and rather annoying) duo ran over to see the two furry woodland creatures. Both Game & Watch and Dr. Mario held up a pen and some paper. "What the fuck. . . ?" Fox hissed to Falco, who shrugged in reply. In great annoyance, the two watched as Dr. Mario grinned up at them. "Can we have your autographs?" he asked hopefully. Fox and Falco glanced at eachother for a moment, a look of sympathy evident in their eyes. They looked to be mentally conversing, their gaze softening as if they felt sorry for the two pathetic bastards before them, when suddenly, their soft gazes were replaced by expressions of pure, flaming red malice. They snapped their necks around and gave the two obsessive dickheads the Looks of Pure Death. "No, you pieces of shit!" Falco shouted, "you canNOT have our motherfucking autographs, and you want to know why? Because we _hate_ you and you do not deserve our autographs! We are celebrities, stars! And what the hell are you? Well, chopped liver, my dear friend, CHOPPED LIVER!" Falco continued to shout and insult Dr. and Mr. for approximately 10.48663 minutes, and finished off with a grand "And therefore, YO' MAMA!", which sent Mr. Game & Watch and Dr. Mario to the floor, crying and screaming like school children stung by bees. Then, Fox grabbed Mr. Game and Watch, and Falco grabbed Dr. Mario. Then they dragged the poor little buggers off toward the Poké Floats.

At noon, when Roy woke up, he was feeling rather refreshed. His clothes didn't smell like day-old weed, and for the first time in awhile, he could really breathe again and smell something other than marijuana. "Donkey Kong," Roy shouted triumphantly from the top bunk, "I think today is a monumental day for me. I've turned over a new leaf! - No pun intended. Ah yes, the birds are singing, the air is clear, and the grass - no pun intended - is greener! It is a _beautiful_ day, DK, and I think I'm going to go out and enjoy it!" All of a sudden, the previous night's events rushed back into his mind.

**_Wooowowowowowo shisisisisisihshsihsis psychadelic neon rainbow flashback!!_**

Link walked into the druggie-dorm where Roy sat, taking a puff on an enormous joint. He grinned at the elven man as he entered. "**Link**! Mah main man! Mah homey! Mah muchacho! Mon ami! Puraschikku foodo!" he exclaimed with a grin. "Come to join the party?" Pichu groaned on the bed and muttered something about the mermaids coming to feed him gumdrop gingerbread men and take him away to a land far, far away. Link raised an eyebrow slightly and coughed a bit. "Errr, ah, no, not really," he muttered. "But I came to ask you for another hint on who likes me." Roy grinned deviously. "Dude, you should know by now that it's Marth," he said. Link's eyes wided, then Roy realized what he had just done. "Oh . . . shit! That's it!" He threw his weed on the floor, then proceeded to jump off the bed and stomp on it until it was nothing but a big pile of mush. "I am quitting weed TODAY! Drugs are VERY BAD!" Link looked appalled. "Are . . . are you serious!?" he exclaimed. "It's **Marth**!? **Marth** is the one that likes me!?" Roy sighed a bit as he grabbed a broom and a dust pan, then swept up all that was left of his marijuana and tossed it into the garbage bin. "Well, I guess there's no use in denying it, since you obviously know now. Yes, Link. Marth is the one that likes you," he grumbled. "But **please** don't say anything to him! He'll **kill** me if he finds out I told you!" Link nodded a bit, and sighed. "Okay . . . I won't say anything. Thanks, Roy."

Roy slapped himself across the forehead with an astonished look on his face. "Ohhhh fuckdamn!" he hissed. He hopped off the bed and sped down the hallway to find Link. Donkey Kong groped his skull tenderly. "Stopp yellen ssoo looooouuudddd . . ." he grumbled in a still-drunken slur.

Mewtwo sighed lustily as he posted up his brand new poster of Joanna Dark that Celebi had given to him. Yes, Celebi. I know, I know . . . I mean, what the hell!? Celebi's this super-powerful Pokémon who can go to the past and into the future, but she has a crush on Mewtwo!? Fucken eh . . . gnar anyway, back to our heartwarming story! "Joanna Dark!?" came the annoying voice of the poor little bastard Ness, whose face was covered with scars and whatnot because everyone hated him. Mewtwo spun around on the bed and eyed the dotty-eyed little fuckface. "Yes, Ms. Dark, my lady. Do you have a problem, or are you jealous that I have such a lovely specimen of feminine beauty hanging above my bed?" asked Mewtwo defensively. Ness immediately began cracking up. "Man, Mewtwo, get a life! Joanna is an ugly, skanky ho! Now, if you want a real woman, I suggest you go after Paula, if you can handle her!" he laughed like the stupid moron he is. Of course, Mewtwo took great offense to this. So much offense that his entire skin turned red and caught fire like Hades from Hercules (damn that was scary!). His eyes began glowing a bright, metallic orange as well. Suddenly . . . BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!! And all of Ness's clothes, his skin . . . even the floor surrounding him, was pitch black. Then he crumbled into a pile of cartoon dust with two dotlike eyes and held up a sign that said "OW". Dammit, Ness, this isn't a Wile E. Coyote cartoon! Then, he held up a sign that said "SORRY, NEKONEZUME". Aww, it's okay, Ness! I still hate you though. "There, you stupid dick!" exclaimed Mewtwo. "Now, don't _ever_ dis my lady again, or you'll be feeling it even worse than that!" Ness cringed in his dustlike state, then he held up a sign that read "GYEEEEEEEP! OKAY, OKAY, FINE!" Mewtwo grinned, dusted off his, er, "hands" (or are they paws? I mean, what the hell are those things!? Three "fingers" that are all ballike and stuff!? That's just messed up, at least Mew has hands! . . . or are they paws?), then walked out the door, leaving Ness to be cleaned up by the Topi custodian that entered the room just then. Mewtwo smirked as Ness was swept up and tossed into the waste recepticle.

At lunch time, everyone had a picnic outside on the lawn. Just about everyone was there, and it was somewhat of a potluck (Pichu brought these odd-looking mushrooms that no one touched). Everyone walked around the picnic table with plates and picked up the foods they wanted. Pikachu and Kirby were angrily fighting to get behind Jigglypuff, who was spooning a tasty-looking tuna casserole made by Zelda onto her plate. Finally, Pikachu caught up to her. "Heyy Jiggy," he said. Jigglypuff turned around slightly. When she saw who it was, she continued to spoon casserole onto her plate. "Hi Pikachu, what's up?" she asked. Pikachu grinned stupidly. "I just came to tell you that . . . well, this world is such an ugly place, but . . . you're so beautiful to me," he said sincerely. Jigglypuff smiled and turned around. "Aww, Pikachu! I'm impressed! That's so sweet, where'd you think of that?" she asked, blushing slightly. Pikachu's big, dumb grin broadened. "I got it from a Blink 182 song," he said. Jigglypuff looked at him like he was an idiot, then she dumped her casserole over his head and walked off to get another plate. Pikachu stood there dumbfounded. "Was it something I said?" he asked honestly. Jigglypuff angrily made her way to the end of the table where a stack of clean plates was present. Kirby handed her one with a grin. "Pikachu buggin' ya?" he asked. Jigglypuff growled. "Fuck yes," she hissed. "He said something really sweet to me, then told me he got it from a Blink 182 song! What the hell is that!?" Kirby laughed a bit. "You know, if I were _your_ boyfriend, I would say things to you that I had said myself, not by some member of a punk band," he said. Jigglypuff frowned. "I can't believe you'd be so insensitive, Kirby! I'm pissed off already, and you decide to think about YOURSELF! Well, I'll tell you right now that I _hate_ both of you!" she shouted. Kirby's eyes widened, and Pikachu turned around to look at her, wiping casserole off his face. "That's right; I HATE you! You're both a couple of stupid, ignorant, self-centered fucks, and you ruined my lunch and I hope I never see you fuckers again after this damned week is over! You hear me!?" she screamed. Everyone looked at her strangely. "Besides . . . to tell the truth . . . I'm in love with Pichu." Everyone raised their eyebrows in surprise, and turned to face Pichu, who was happily chomping away on his weird-looking mushrooms. He dropped the one he was snacking on and looked at Jigglypuff with wide eyes. "You . . . you love me?" he asked in a cute, choked-up sort of voice. "No one's ever really cared for me before . . . that's why I turned to drugs . . . but. . . ." His eyes welled up with tears, and he tossed the plate full of wacky shrooms back into the bushes. Then, he burst right into tears and started sobbing loudly. "I L-L-L-LOOOOOVE YOU T-T-TOO, JIGGLYP-PUFF!" he wailed. Jigglypuff smiled warmly, walked over to him, and helped him up. The two then walked hand-in-hand into HAL, with Pichu still sobbing slightly (it was the cutest, most sickeningly heartwarming scene I have ever seen in my entire life! *mops tear away* 'Scuse me. . . .). Then, Pikachu and Kirby looked at eachother with their eyes open wide and their jaws near the ground. "What-the-hell?" Pikachu muttered. Kirby shook his head slowly. "I don't know, man, but that is some seriously fucked up shit."

Later on, Pikachu and Kirby were sitting in the dorm by themselves on Pikachu's bed, blasting sad Blink 182 songs and crooning along. ". . . I'm giving up, she found someone," they sang together sadly. Kirby sighed as he dabbed at his eyes with the corner of a napkin he stole from the picnic. "Man . . . where did we go wrong?" he asked Pikachu sadly. "I mean, both of us tried and tried and tried to get her, and that got us absolutely nowhere!" Pikachu nodded in agreement as a tear spilled down his face. "I mean, I didn't mean to piss her off by taking the quote from Blink! Man. . . ." At this time, Pikachu found it would be appropriate to quote Blink 182 once again. "Girls are such a drag." Then, something clicked on in Kirby's brain. "Pikachu, maybe that's the problem," he said suddenly. Pikachu raised an eyebrow. "Eh? Maybe _what_'s the problem?" he asked, sounding slightly confused. Kirby sighed. "Well, Pikachu, have you ever had a girlfriend before?" he muttered. Pikachu blushed a bit. "Euh . . . well I don't normally tell people this, but . . . no, I haven't," he grumbled, sounding embarassed. "Neither have I," said Kirby, "but I think the reason you and I have never had girlfriends is because, well . . . we're meant to have _boy_friends instead." Pikachu's eyes widened, and he threw his hands into the air in protest. "Uhm, no, I likes ze women, thank you very much!" he exclaimed. He closed his eyes and started to protest some more, when suddenly Kirby turned over and kissed Pikachu. Pikachu's eyes snapped open, and he saw Kirby before him. His eyes were closed, and Pikachu immediately knew that this was a sincere kiss. Slowly, Pikachu closed his own eyes, and returned the kiss.

Back at the picnic, Nana decided that it was high time she told Bowser how she felt about him, despite the fact she was not a princess. Popo protested. "Nana, are you stupid!? You're not a princess! Bowser only likes princesses!" he hissed. Nana still looked determined. "I don't care. He deserves to know," she said. Popo then shut up because, hey, she had a point. Nana spotted Bowser sitting alone under a shady maple tree, slowly picking away at the strawberry cobbler that Nana herself had made. That made Nana grin, even though she noticed Bowser looked slightly heartbroken and lonely. She walked over and sat down beside him, with her plate of Bowser's onion soufflé. "Hey Bowser," she said happily, "your onion soufflé is really something else!" She choked down a bite of it. As much as she hated the taste, she thought she'd be nice to him. Bowser looked up slowly, and smiled weakly. "Hullo, Nana. Thanks for the compliment, they're always appreciated. Your strawberry cobbler is amazing. Who'd have ever thought that cinnamon would be such a great companion to strawberries?" he said with a shrug. Nana grinned and blushed slightly. "And who'd ever have thought that olives and vinegar would put the perfect accent on the onions?" she lied. _If I take another bite of this shit, I'll gag!_ Bowser laughed a bit. "Usually humans don't like it. It's an old Koopa recipe passed down through the generations. Each generation improves it a little more. I can honestly say that mine is better than my own father's, and my grandfather's, although I don't like to brag," he smiled. "I guess you're different, though. That's good." Nana's face grew slightly pinker. "Anyway, uhm, Bowser," she said, putting a hand to her cheek to hide her blushing face a little bit. "I didn't really come to discuss food, that's the thing. I came to . . . to . . . tell you somthing," she said nervously. Bowser cocked an eyebrow and looked rather interested all of a sudden. "Really? Hmm, what did you want to tell me?" he asked. Nana looked down at the grass. "Well, Bowser . . . you know the feeling when - when you really like someone?" she asked, looking up at the shimmering blue sky through the leaves of the maple tree. Bowser smiled weakly. "I know that feeling all too well, Nana," he said. Nana sighed, and she closed her eyes. Bowser noticed she looked considerably sadder. "Well . . . well, that's . . . the way I . . . feel for you, Bowser. . . ." she said slowly. Bowser's eyes slowly widened. "You . . . like me?" he asked. Nana looked down and nodded slowly, her face red as a beet. Bowser looked at her with sympathy. "That's sweet, Nana. No one's really liked me before. I'd probably like you too, but . . . well, Nana, I'm a bad guy, and I'm only interested in princesses. I'm really sorry, Nana, but that's just the way I am. I'm no good for you, anyway. You're such a nice girl, and you're awfully cute! I'd hate to . . . well, corrupt you," he said. Nana smiled sadly. "That's okay, Bowser. I didn't really expect you to like me back anyway. I just thought you deserved to know." She shrugged. "Feelings are feelings." She stood, and she walked over to where Popo was standing. Popo could tell simply by the look on Nana's face that Bowser had rejected her. "Nana, I told you he just liked princesses. I'm sorry. Looks like you have no choice but to get over him," he said. Nana frowned. "Yes, I do have a choice," she muttered, "and I'm going to be a princess."

Ganondorf walked behind Yoshi as he spooned the ham and cheese omlette Ganondorf had made for him onto a plate. Ganondorf smirked, noticed no one else was around, and walked right up and . . . O_O grabbed Yoshi's ass. This made Yoshi jump slightly, but then he turned around. When he saw it was Ganondorf, he grinned like a dope. "Hey hun," said Yoshi, "what's up?" Ganondorf shrugged. "I see a nice ass, I just have to grab it, ya know?" he said. Yoshi laughed a bit. "Oh stop it, Gannie, you're making me blush," he giggled. Ganondorf looked down on him with an odd seductive glare. "You know, Yoshi, you're just so hot, I may have to take you, right here and now," he said with a grin. AHHHHHH!! Okay, this is entirely TOO DISGUSTING FOR ME! "Uhh, Nekonezume? Why are you writing it, then?" Yoshi asked. Now, let's not be silly, Yoshi! I'm writing it because . . . euuuhhh, because . . . hey, you know, I could kill you or your precious Gannie anytime I wanted! "You wouldn't _dare_!" Yoshi exclaimed, looking appalled and saddened. He wrapped his arms around one of Ganondorf's thick, trunklike legs. "Ohhhh, Yoshi, you know I love it when you do that," Ganondorf said in a low voice. "What do you say we get out of here?" AAHHHH!!! That's not right!! I really could kill you guys, you know! "Yeah, but you wouldn't, coz you really think we make a cute couple," said Yoshi with a shrug. Now wait just one tootin' minute - "Bye!" And with that, Yoshi and Ganondorf walked into the house (with Yoshi still clinging on to Ganondorf's leg, disgusting) before I could kill one of 'em. Dammit.

Later on that night, the girls were all in their dorm (no one was sleeping with anyone else tonight, for some odd reason), when Peach had an idea. "Girls," she said with an evil grin, "let's play Truth or Dare." All the girls immediately started giggling. "Oh, yes!" said Samus suddenly. "We have to make a special mixture for those who don't feel like doing their dare or truth. Be right back!" She ran into the kitchen. Five minutes later, Samus returned with a big bucket full of foul-smelling stuff. Daisy took one look inside and made a disgusted face. "Samus, what the hell is in there?" she asked. Samus grinned maliciously. "Three tablespoons of peanut butter, eight squirts of ketchup, some horseradish, apple jelly, half a cup of this morning's leftover coffee, some milk, two and a half teaspoons of mustard, three spoonfulls of mayo, four egg whites, and to level it all off, some water," she announced triumphantly. All the girls in the room looked at eachother with wide, wide eyes and looked very ill. "You have to eat one teaspoon of that if you don't do your dare or your truth," Samus added. The rest of the girls looked at eachother, then shrugged. "Okay," they all said in unison. They all sat around in a circle, and Peach went first. She eyed her victims carefully, then swooped in for the kill. "Zelda," she said passively, "truth or dare?" Zelda smirked, and everyone looked at her with wide eyes. "Dare," she said. Everyone but she and Peach gasped loudly. Peach grinned. "I dare you to come into the bathroom with me, sit by the door, and pretend we're . . . you know," she said. Okay, as much as I hate writing this part, I figure we've got enough shounen ai in this story to do the girls for awhile, we need to let the guys have _something_, no matter how small it may be!! . . . augh, I guess. All the girls in the room made disgusted faces. "Peach, that's nasty," said Daisy. Peach grinned. "We're going to have some fun with the boys; play with their minds a bit," she said. She turned to Zelda. "So, are you going to, or do you want a little nibble of Samus's concoction?" Zelda smirked. "I'm not stupid, Peach, of course I will. This'll be a riot." Peach and Zelda ran into the girls washroom as the other girls peeked out the door. As Peach and Zelda entered the washroom giggling hysterically, they closed the door quickly and stationed themselves by the door. Right then, they both started artificially moaning, rather loudly.

Link was going on an evening stroll through the corridors. He couldn't sleep too well, mostly because he wasn't on top of Samus, but also because he still could not believe Marth liked him! Link sighed loudly as he passed by the girl's lavatory. Suddenly, he heard something. . . . "AAAAHHH, OHHHHHHH ZELDDAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Link's eyes widened, and his heart started racing. _HOLY SHIT!!_ He thought, a grin starting to grow on his face. _That's! That's! Thaaaaaaa . . . HOLY SHIT! MOTHERFUCKING SHITTING FUCK SHIT FUCK!!_ And with that, he sped off to get the rest of the guys.

Approximately one hour later, all the (straight) guys had their ears pressed to the door. All of them were insanely turned on, and some of them . . . heh anyway, their soldiers were standing at attention, I'll say that much. Suddenly, the screaming got louder and louder. "OHHHHHHH ZELDAAAAAAA!!" screamed Peach, "I THINK I'M GOING TO . . . TO . . . AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" "PEEAAAAAAACHH!! OH, FUCK! AHHHHHHHHH!" Zelda screamed in reply. Suddenly, they both stopped. Slowly, they stood up (trying to conceal their laughter), and they (very, very) slowly opened the door and walked out. All the men gazed up at the two women (they had mussed up eachother's hair to make it look valid) with drunken faces. "Oh, we're sorry, did we wake you up?" asked Zelda with a giggle. Shiek reached out and grabbed her around the waist. "You, are coming with me, you little minx!" he exclaimed with a grin. He picked her up in his arms and carried her off toward the . . . broom closet!! What the hell!? Suddenly, Captain Falcon reached out and grabbed Peach's hand. "You and I need to, ahem, TALK," he said, dragging her off toward the . . . laundry room O_o.

Ahhh yes, it seems all was well that night, except for with Nana. She received and gave her truths and dares very absent-mindedly, as she was determined tomorrow that she would somehow become a princess.

**END OF CHAPTER FIVE**

A/N: GYAAAAAARAGARAOOOO ;_; I'm SO sorry minna!! I really am! I can't BELIEVE how long it's been since I updated this fic! Gnar, well would you believe I had an ENORMOUS case of writer's block (which I did), and thanks to Britz (for the Bowser turning Nana down and Nana going on a quest to be a princess idea), Arreiyenne (for the truth or dare idea), and Akkima-chan (for the idea of Mewtwo beating the everlasting urine out of Ness for dissin' his lady)! THE THIEF HAS BEEN CAUGHT! That's right, the notorious pimpmastajay has been caught! And let it be known to all that I have forgiven him (despite the fact he lead others to believe my work was his own and tried to become recognized for work that was not his own :\), but if he ever does it again to ANYONE I will not forgive him ever ever ever because it's simply not fair. Uncule. Ennyhoody, I know this chapter sucked ass, but it's building up for next chapter . . . which is going to be REALLY, REALLY interesting ^_~. How? Well, you'll just have to wait and see! Anyway, I'm no longer overridden with ideas, if anyone wants to lend some!! Oh, and please no more Marth/Link ones, I already have my own plan for them, but thanks! Feel free to e-mail me with any ideas!! Oh yeah, also e-mail me with opinions on an SSBM:E website. I'm planning on making one, but I wanna know if people would sent in fanworks like art and the like, or would participate in a message board and stuff. Please e-mail me if you like the sounds of it! Till next time! ^_^ 


	6. Capítulo seis, bebê

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 6)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

SEVERE FOREWARNING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game (peh! I wish! I wish I owned . . . yeeeheee . . . LINK too ^^).

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 6)

The girls continued their truth or dare game until the wee hours of the morning. By 4 AM, only two spoonfulls of Samus's special concoction had been downed, and Zelda and Peach reentered. "What took you so long?" asked Jigglypuff suspiciously. Peach and Zelda looked at eachother and grinned. "Our boyfriends needed a nice long 'chat'," said Zelda with a slight yawn. "Anyway, we may be tired but we still want to play! Keep going." Samus smirked. "That was a great show you guys put on out there," she said with a laugh. Peach and Zelda snorted. "I guess they believed it, too," said Peach. "You should've seen 'em! Sitting there, panting lustily like a bunch of lovedrunken idiots-" (aside from DK, who was drunk on more than just horniness) "-and grinning like morons," she finished. "I think they believed us, don't you, Zel?" Zelda laughed. "I'm pretty sure they did. Anyway, time's a-wastin'! It's 4 AM and I still wanna play! Let's go, already!" she said. Samus grinned. "Daisy," she started, "truth or dare?" Daisy looked up at the ceiling pensively. "Truth," she said. The other girls began to boo and hiss. "Hey, shut up! Truths can be just as bad as dares! Go on, Samus." Samus smirked a bit. "Do you have a little crushie-pooh on Wariooo?" she asked with a giggle. Daisy's face went from a normal flesh-colour, to a Yoshi-boot red colour (and that's quite the shade of red!! I mean, look at his boots! No, they're not a muddy brown-red, they're not a brick red, they're not even pink in the slightest essence, THEY'RE BRIGHT RED!! I mean, what the - er, whoops! Going off-topic, sorry about that!! heheh. . . .). "What makes you think that?" she asked. Samus laughed. "I've seen you, Daisy, crying on his shoulder, being mean to every other man in existance BUT Wario, baking that chocolate cheesecake JUST for Wario at that picnic yesterday and snapping at anyone else who wanted to eat it! Daisy, admit it!" she exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the Sarasaland princess. Daisy looked down. "I'll say this much," she said, "and that's that he has been good to me. I took the breakup with Luigi very hard, and Wario's been there with me the whole time. He's a gentleman, he respects the way I feel, and unlike Luigi, he would never try to hurt me. So, I suppose I've formed a slight crush on him, then, yes." The other girls started to giggle. All except Nana, of course. _How does one go about becoming a princess?_ she thought to herself with a mental sigh. But then, she realized something. _Of course! I don't really need to be of royal BLOOD to be a princess, I just need something that needs ruling! Something like a village, a town, a city, a kingdom, a planet, or . . . a star!_ Suddenly, just as Jigglypuff was daring Samus to drink a half-cup full of leftover dishwater, Nana stood up with a big grin on her face, and she left the room. "Hey, Nana!" Zelda called after her. "Where are you going?" Nana grinned. "I'm going to become a princess of a star!" she shouted gleefully. Peach gave her a soft smile. "Going to try for Bowser's heart again?" she asked. Nana blushed slightly. "Erm, well, yeah! Can you princesses help me with my costume later on?" she asked hopefully. Zelda smiled. "We'd be more than happy to, Nana!"

Captain Falcon awoke draped - stark naked - over a washing machine as the sun shone into his eyes from the nearby window. He yawned, then remembered last night's events. _Okay,_ he thought, _I **know** that Zelda and Peach didn't really do that, because that was the fakest thing I've ever heard, but just the implication was good enough for me. Too bad she took off on me. . . ._ He pushed himself off the washing machine, stretched, and stood, then turned around. And there stood a very wide-eyed Popo, carrying a laundry basket. "What the fuck!?" the disgusted boy exclaimed. He shielded his eyes. "Gross, man! Put on some clothes! I mean, I know you and Peach got it on last night after she and Zelda . . . heh heh . . . fond memory . . . but anyway, I know you and Peach got it on last night, but that doesn't mean you can parade around the laundry room wearing nothin' but your birthday suit! Now for goodness sake, put on some clothes and call me when you're out of here so I can do my laundry without being around naked men! Thank you!" Without a second look back, Popo spun around on his heels and walked out of the laundry room. Captain Falcon's face went red, then he quickly shut the door. _I officially feel stupid,_ he thought.

At the breakfast table, a new rumour was quickly being spread. "I heard that tonight there's going to be a party for you guys," whispered a shadow as it passed by Peach. Since Peach was a gossip wizard by nature, she grinned broadly and hissed the rumour into Samus's ear. "Party?" she asked. "Sounds fun!" Of course, soon the entire table knew, and everyone was buzzing excitedly. Except for Marth. Marth was sitting down with two pieces of seedy-looking toast (no, not poppyseed, you moron! And not sesame seed, it was an adjective describing the fact that the toast looked rather measly, disgusting and pitiful, duhhh!) sitting in front of him, untouched. "Hey man, are you going to eat that?" asked Roy, pointing to the cooked bread. "I'm famished." Marth shook his head and hand gestured toward the toast, not saying a word. Roy stopped smiling. "Hey, Marthin' Man, what's up?" he asked, noticing his friend was more than slightly depressed. Marth simply shook his head, which made Roy frown. "Dude, the last time you stopped talking like this was when N*Sync released a new album. Seriously man, what's up?" Marth sighed. "I think Link knows," he muttered. A huge pang of guilt washed over Roy, and he gulped. "Euuhh, really? What makes you think that?" he asked nervously, hoping Marth wouldn't notice the fact that he was really trying his best not to blurt out the fact that Link really _did_ know, and that Roy himself had been the one to tell him. Marth sighed again. "He's been avoiding me really badly, and whenever I've tried to talk to him the past few days, he hasn't looked me in the eye. Was it _that_ obvious?" he asked sadly. Roy sighed. "Look . . . Marth, I need to tell you the truth," he said guiltily. Marth glanced at him with an air of suspicion. "I . . . I told him." Then, Roy noticed the hurt and angered look on Marth's face, and he quickly carried on. "But I'll tell you now that I was stoned off my bunkbed when I told him that, and my weed-smoking days are over since then," he finished. Marth still looked hurt, but slightly less so. "How could you tell him, though!? Stoned or not, you promised you wouldn't tell," he said sadly. Roy sighed. "Look, this relationship he has with Samus . . . it's . . . hard on me, too," he muttered. Marth looked at Roy strangely. "Why would it be hard on you, unless you were gay like me, which I know you're not, or you . . . like Samus!!" he exclaimed with a grin. Roy gave him a harsh look. "Would you shut the fuck up!? She'll hear you! Or worse yet, _Link_'ll hear you! Last person I want to have a swordfight with is Link." Just then, Master Hand walked in. "Uhhmm, Link and, uh, like, Roooy? Yeah, they want you to come fight and stuff," he said stupidly. Roy's eyes widened, and Marth laughed. "_Shi-hi-hiiit_! That was the _last_ thing I needed right now!" Roy muttered as he stuffed Marth's toast into his mouth and followed Master Hand out.

Nana was grinning broadly as she returned from the mall down the street (she had received special permission from HAL to go there) with a handful of papers which claimed she owned a star (named after her, only called "Nanaland", please forgive the awful parody), and a shopping bag full of hair-things, a tiara, jewelery, and a beautiful (and fecken expensive!! I had to pay for the damn thing 'coz I'm the author!) yellow-and-blue gown. Yes, it was the day my wallet died. *COUGH* Anyway, Nana walked up the walkway and into HAL. Greeting her there was Y'Link. "Hey, Nana! What's in the baaag?" he asked curiously. Nana shrugged. "You'll have to find out later," she replied curtly as she breezed by him. Y'Link frowned. "Come on, at least tell me you got me a present!" he shouted after her. Nana quickly pulled a hair clip from her bag, and tossed it backwards at Y'Link, who grinned and started playing with it. "Awww, this thing is so damn cool! Too bad I don't know what it is," he said. He shrugged, and continued playing with it.

At noon, Roy returned from his and Link's battle with a bloody nose, a double black eye and many tattered clothing articles and assorted cuts and bruises. He plopped down beside Marth, who was there looking at him strangely. "Man, Roy!" he exclaimed. "You look like you were just hit by a truck!" Roy groaned in response. "I was," he muttered, "and its license plate read 'Link'." Link passes them and patted Roy on the back a bit. "You okay there, man? I'm awfully sorry," he said. Samus glanced at Roy from the end of the table. "Aww, you shouldn't have gone so hard on him, Link! I mean, look at the poor guy!" she said sympathetically (ooh, that's a big word. . . .). Marth smirked, and Roy suddenly reddened slightly and went into a slight stupor. _All of a sudden, that whole ordeal seems well worth it,_ he said with a mental sigh. Link looked at him oddly. "You, euh, okay there, Roy?" he asked. Roy snapped out of it as quickly as he snapped _in_to it. "Uhh, sure! Fine! Never been better!" he proclaimed with a false grin. Link frowned. "Er, you need a Kleenex, man? Your nose is dripping blood," he said. Roy produced an even wider false grin as the blood from his nose dripped onto his empty plate with a loud "plop". "No no," said Roy, "I'm fine!" He wiped the blood away with his sleeve, then after a moment, realized what he just did. He grinned innocently, then walked away to change his clothes, grabbing the plate and dropping it in the dishwasher on the way out.

Nana sat in the girl's washroom, waiting for the other three princesses to arrive to help make her look more princesslike. Nana was wearing her new gown, and it looked absolutely adorable on her. As she sat before the mirror, adjusting the dress, Peach, Daisy, and Zelda walked in, chittering excitedly, when they saw Nana, and their faces melted into big smiles. "Awww, Nana! You look _adorable_!" Peach cooed. Zelda nodded in agreement. "That gown is simply darling!! It must've been expensive!" she said. Daisy grinned. "So, what do you want us to help you with?" she asked. Nana looked at the ceiling pensively, then tossed her huge bag of haircare supplies, makeup, accessories, and all that other expensive shit (can you tell I'm really fired up about having to pay for all that cack? :D) onto the floor in front of the other princesses. She smiled. "I want you to help me with everything," she said. The three original princess looked at eachother, grinned, then looked back to Nana. "Gladly!" they all said in unison. Come on, they're princesses, of course they're going to want to do makeovers, teehee.

Mr. Game & Watch and Dr. Mario were both very heartbroken from when Fox and Falco turned down autographs, plus beat the living shit clean out of 'em. They were moping around in the living room, when Donkey Kong saw them. Now, being a complete drunken fool, DK figured that since they were sad, he'd go ask them for a favour, because maybe it would cheer them up? He slumped toward the saddened duo, and gave them a look of pure . . . drunkenness. He held out a little black book, and G&W and Dr. Mario looked up. "'Ello, blokes, 'owzit going?" DK asked. Before G&W and Dr. Mario could even open their mouths to speak, DK interrupted. "Ohh, good good," he said. "Listen up, fellahz, I need to ask you a favour." G&W and Dr. Mario both sighed. "Figures," Dr. Mario muttered sadly, "the only time anyone wants us is for a favour. Oh well, go ahead, DK, what is it you want?" Donkey Kong took a large finger and pointed at a blank page in his "little black book". "Ah, well, y'see I wos wonderin' if maybe I could have your autographs?" he asked hopefully. Dr. Mario and Mr. Game & Watch's eyes widened. "_Us_!?" they cried in unison. "_You_ want _our_ autographs?" Donkey Kong nodded slowly. "Well, yeh," he said. "I mean, Game & Watch here, 'e's quite old school then, isn't 'e? I mean, 'e's quite a celebriiity? And you, well, Dr. Mario, you're pretty old school as well, aren't you? Well you're both quite pop'lar-" Wait a second, DK! They're not TREES! "-Sorry, sorry, I meant popUlar, right?" Dr. Mario and G&W looked at eachother and shrugged. "I guess we're _kind of_ popular," Mr. Game & Watch said. Donkey Kong gave them both a grin. "See, then? There you go! You're both quite popUUUUUUlar! So that's why I want your autographs!" he said, taking a pen out of his back pocket (what, you think he wears _real_ fur!? Nawww, DK's against cruelty to himself) and handing it to the two excited friends. Fox and Falco watched from the doorway. "I'm glad DK did that for us," Fox whispered. Falco nodded in agreement. "Yeah. This way, we can apologize, and not even ruin our reputation! Man, life is sweet when you've got a drunkey monkey as a pal," he replied, also in a whisper. The two felt really guilty about turning down the two little guys the day before, although they would never admit it. So, they convinced Donkey Kong to act as their apologizer, just so they wouldn't ruin their reputation. Kinda pathetic, isn't it? "Man, Kiara and Jamey would be happy to see us now, wouldn't they?" Fox asked dreamily, thinking of his girlfriend Jamey back home. (SORRY ZYABOR ^_^;;; I HAD TO INCLUDE THEM!!) Falco nodded, thinking of his own girlfriend, Kiara. "Yeah . . . man, I miss Kiara," he said sadly. Erm, okeeey, let's leave 'em alone before they get all sappy and sad and sentimental and stuff. If there's one thing that really makes me feel bad, it's watching two grown woodland creatures tearing up over their girlfriends who are thousands and thousands of miles away, probably in someone else's arms, thinking about how awful their boyfriends are for leaving them all alone in the face of . . . Falco and Fox glared at me angrily. Uh ohhh. . . . "Thank you soooo much, Nekonezume," Falco growled. Meep, I didn't know birds could growl. Then, Fox and Falco reached out and grabbed me as I was writing this very sentence, and dragged me off to - AHHHHHH!! Oh no, they're gonna go beat me up! GUYS!! I'm not a character in this game!! You're making a huge mistake! AAAAAHHH, oh fuck, there's no point in trying.

Well, after I was beaten up repeatedly and I missed out on several other events in this whole damn household, supper was over, and the stupid party had started already. Sometimes I really wish I hadn't made those two such terrible troublemakers. Buuuuut, anyway ^^. Yes, well, the party had started, and people were getting drunk all over the place. Jigglypuff and Pichu walked into the room holding hands (and looking SUPER-ADORABLE!!), and for the first time in _ages_, Pichu wasn't high off anything but his newfound love for Jigglypuff. Kirby and Pikachu glared at the happy couple jealously, but then quickly remembered that they, too, were (supposed to be) a couple. Quickly, they hopped over and started to kiss, hoping they would make Jigglypuff jealous in the slightest bit (in case you haven't noticed, they haven't exactly fallen in love with eachother just yet, and their relationship isn't exactly functional). Of course, this didn't work at all, because Pichu and Jigglypuff were too busy talking and laughing happily. They sat down on the couch, each with a glass of some non-alcoholic beverage of some sort. Donkey Kong was actually . . . NOT DRUNK. I know. At a party, the only place where EVERYONE should be completely drunk off their high-hats, and DK is utterly SOBER. Well, anyway, Donkey Kong was sober for one reason, and that was because for the first time ever, he was going to be completely serious, and he was going to. . . . Ask Nana out. Yes, it was true, DK really liked Nana, and he always had, for years and years now. Finally, he thought that tonight would be the night; the one night where he could really let loose, have fun, and not look like a moron, because for once, he wouldn't be Banana-Hammahed!! . . . OK, that was EXTREMELY lame, but you KNOW I HAD to say it ^_^. So on this night, while the heavy music was pumping- "She's so lucky, she's a star!" sang Britney Spears from the . . . okay, what the fuck!? Come on now, DJ Crazy Hand, put on some good music for once! "Last night, I had a dream about yooou," sang . . . woohoo, Daft Punk! Ohh, good choice, DJ Crazy Hand! Anyway, on this night while good ol' Daft Punk was pumpin' over the speakers, DK was frantically searching for Nana, but he couldn't find her anyway. Pikachu and Kirby were making out in the corner (taking sideglances at Jigglypuff and Pichu every so often, to see whether or not Jigglypuff looked jealous in any way, which of course, she did not), so DK thought he'd do everyone a favour and interrupt them. "Hey, guys, have you seen Nana around?" he asked hopefully. Pikachu and Kirby immediately stopped kissing, and looked at Donkey Kong with very surprised looks on their faces. "Donkey Kong!" Kirby exclaimed. "You're not drunk! Does this mean you're going after Nana _for realties_ this time!?" DK nodded slowly. "Yeah, I mean it for realties. Have you seen her?" he asked hopefully, but Pikachu shook his head slowly in dismay. "Sorry, man, I haven't seen her since noon. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Zelda, Peach, or Daisy since then, either," he said. At the mention of Daisy's name, Wario stopped dead in his tracks as well. "You haven't seen Daisy either!?" he exclaimed over the loud music of . . . ohhh, Lagwagon! Maybe I'll just kind of . . . go off and join the party, and I'll let this fanfic . . . euuuh, write itself, with my magic Quick-Quote Quill! And no, I have no shame, stealing a Harry Potter item -_- maybe Marth should borrow it, he likes his Harry Potter cornflakes . . . but anyway, catch you guys later!! Wario looked worried. "I've been looking for her ever since noon!" he exclaimed worriedly. "I wonder where she is?"

Daisy, Peach, and Zelda all gave Nana a once-over, deciding whether she really looked fit to be called a princess or not. Once the once-over was finished, they all looked at eachother, and grinned. "Can I see? Can I see?" Nana asked hopefully. The three other girls looked at eachother, winked, then spun the new princess around. Nana stared in the mirror in shock. "Do you like it?" Peach asked hopefully. "We used our very best techniques," Zelda added. Nana's mouth was gaping. "I . . . look like a . . . princess. . . ." she whispered in awe. Yes, she did indeed look like a princess. Her hair (which was really rather long, but it was always done up in a ponytail inside her hood, so it was rarely seen) was done up in a high bun that was decorated with pearls and other precious gems and such, along with sequinned combs. She wore a small, golden tiara that was laced with sparkly rinestones. Several strings of pearls and fine stones of many sorts were draped around her neck, as well as rings of the same stature around her fingers. Her face was made up to look similar to Peach's, only with her eyes being dotlike. Her little mouth was drawn cutely with pink lipstick as well, and her eyes were made up with some alluring purple eyeshadow. She wore long yellow gloves on her hands and a pair of white-gold bracelets around each wrist. In addition, on her feet she wore a pair of dainty blue high-heels. She looked beautiful. She sat there for about five minutes, simply gawking. The other princesses' patience was wearing thin. "What do you think?" Daisy asked. Nana smiled. "I . . . I love it!" she exclaimed. The other princesses grinned at one another. "Now to make your grand entrance," Peach said.

Back at the party, Roy was talking to Link, who was hammered straight (ahaha, no pun intended), who was making out with Samus. "So Link, I really don't believe you. _How_ straight _are_ you, really?" Roy asked. Link looked up and winced. "Maaahhnnn, I'm so straight I bet I could fuck a guy (or vice versa) and not enjoy it in the slightest bit!" he exclaimed with many a drunken slur and hiccup. Roy looked to the camera (or he would, were there one) and wiggled his eyebrows with enthusiasm. Then, he turned back to Link. "Gee, man, I _still_ don't believe you. Why don't you prove it?" he asked with a grin. Link sighed and got up from the floor where he was on top of Samus (who was also insanely drunk). He staggered slightly, and Roy had to hold him up. "Dude, I didn't know you were gay," Link muttered. Roy smacked himself on the forehead. "I'm not gay, you dumbass! _Marth_ is!" he shouted. Link nodded. "Sooo, you want me to prove it to Marth?" he asked, sounding even more slurred. Roy almost didn't understand him. "Yeah, go with Marth," he said with a grin. Link shrugged. "Okay," he replied. He staggered off. He was far too drunk to make decisions for himself that night.

Mewtwo was sitting beside Marth at the barstools. You see, the entire place had been changed around for the party. A bar (plus barstools) had been added, tables were added, a few lounging couches, some television sets (two of them complete with GameCubes, one of which Luigi was playing Luigi's Mansion on), and even a stage where a turntable was set up (although DJ Crazy Hand wasn't doing a whole lot of scratching; he was basically just putting the tracks on). Anyway, Mewtwo was sitting beside Marth at the barstools, lonely and drinking a 7-Up. He sighed loudly. "I'm so lonely," he mumbled. Marth chuckled sadly as he knocked back a wine cooler. "Tell me about it," he muttered. Mewtwo held out his glass of 7-Up, proposing a toast. "Here's to being lonely," he sighed. Marth oblidged, and clinked his bottle against Mewtwo's glass. Then, they both took a drink. Suddenly, a woman's voice was heard behind them. "Mewtwo?" came the voice. Of course, Mewtwo recognised this voice straight away, and he perked right up immediately. A grin slowly formed on his previously sad face. "Joanna?" he whispered. He spun around, and there stood his lady, smiling. "I missed you so much, Mewtwo, I had to come see you," she said. Mewtwo quickly grabbed her and gave her a big hug. "I missed you too, Joanna!" he exclaimed. "Celebii even gave me a poster she found of you so that I could see you whenever I wanted." He stopped talking, and they broke the hug. Then, Joanna moved in closer, and she kissed him. Marth watched in awe as the slight kiss turned into a rather full kiss, with Mewtwo's and Joanna's hands running all over the place. Then, they both stood (still kissin') and made their way out the door and toward the dorms. Marth sighed. "So much for being lonely with someone," he muttered. And then, of course, Link walked up behind Marth. "Heeeyyy, Marth," Link said in a very drunken voice. Marth spun around and looked at him, and he suddenly blushed. "Ohhh, Link! I'm so sorry Roy told you about . . . about, er, well, me!! If you never want to see me again, I'll completely understand, and I'm really sorry!" he cried. He babbled on for another moment, until Link told him to shut up. Then, he leaned closer. "Y'know, Marth," he said, slurring his words. "I wouldn't mind makin' it up to you." The poor guy was so unbelievably drunk that he hadn't a clue what he was doing. He leaned even closer so that his mouth was right by Marth's ear. "Howzabout we go back to the dorms and have a bit of fun?" he asked. Marth couldn't believe his ears!! Was Link being serious, or just stupid? Or was it the alcohol talking? Either way, Marth decided to take advantage of the situation. "Sure!"

Zelda, Peach, and Daisy entered the room. "DJ Crazy Hand, we beg a moment of silence, please," said Peach, and DJ Crazy Hand quickly turned the music off. Peach got up on stage and grabbed the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please," she said. Everyone turned around and looked up at her. "Tonight is a rare night. This evening, you will meet a new princess. This princess comes from a galaxy far, far away; from a bright and shining star of hope; the star of Nanaland. I welcome to you all, Princess Nana!" As Peach gestured to the doorway, Nana walked out in her princess attire and the whole room broke into applause. Bowser's eyes were wide. "She's a - a _princess_?" he hissed to no one in particular. He grinned and started to walk up to the new princess, just as DK was. "Princess Nana, can I talk to you please?" DK asked. But just then, Bowser interrupted. "Nana, I was wrong about you," he said. "You really _are_ a princess, and I'd be happy to be with you!" Nana's eyes widened and a grin spread on her face. "You mean, for _real_!?" she cried excitedly. Donket Kong suddenly looked hurt, and he looked at the floor. "But, Nana. . . ." he muttered sadly, "I've been in love with you for years. . . ." Nana's mouth dropped, and she snapped her head around to look at him. "R-really DK?" she asked, feeling sorry for the sad monkey. DK nodded slowly. "Gee, DK, I didn't know. Well . . . now I can't choose _who_ I want to be with now." Nana sighed, but then, Daisy popped up betwen the three. "I have an idea," she said with a grin. "Why don't you make them have an insult contest? First one in tears misses out on your luv!" She giggled. "Hey, that's a good idea!" said Zelda. Nana looked reluctant. "I dunno, guys, it seems sorta, well, mean," she said. But then she glanced at DK and Bowser, and saw that they were shooting lasers at eachother with their eyes. "I'll do it," said DK affirmatively. Bowser nodded. "Let's go, asshole."

Later on, in the heat of the insult fight- "You're so dumb that when you have a brainstorm, it's a light drizzle!" shouted DK. "Oh yeah?! Well yo' mama's been married so many times she's got ricemarks on her face!" Bowser retorted in return. "Yo' clothing style is so loud, Snap, Crackle and Pop are jealous!" "Yo' mama's such a ho, she changed her name to Lucy!" (no offense to people named Lucy; it's a pun, a play on words!! Think of it for a sec, it'll come to you if you're perverted enough :p) "Oh yeah, well your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" DK shouted triumphantly. Bowser raised an eyebrow. "Man, I knew you were unoriginal, but taking insults from Monty Python!? You _are_ low!" Wario snuck by the fight and grabbed Daisy, who was spectating excitedly. He pulled her away into the dorms to talk.

A bit later, people were watching the heated battle off-and-on. However, just then, the door that lead to the outdoors opened wide, and in came a group of characters who hadn't been in the game. . . . First, Sonic and Tails entered, then in came Bomberman, and then Conker and Gregg the Grim Reaper came in. Everyone stopped - even DK and Bowser - to see what was going on. They looked kinda scared, because this little bunch of characters looked slightly pissed off. But then, they grinned. "Dude, we came here to party!" Sonic exclaimed with a grin. "Let's see some booze!" A few loud "BOOM BOOM BOOM"s were heard outside, and nervously, everyone looked out the window. There, they saw . . . A HUGE EYE!! The eye fixed its gaze onto Y'Link, then widened. "Ooooh, pretty boy!" came an unmistakably feminine (and rather ditzy) voice. A huge hand reached through the door, and it grabbed Y'Link then brought him outside.

Finally, later on that night, gunshots were heard. Everyone REALLY stopped this time. Then, a few masked people entered. One of them was rather tall and scary looking. Suddenly, he started barking orders in a foreign tongue. "Aprovação, você filhos das cadelas, ataca-as primeiramente!" he screamed, pointing at a group of people by the bar. "Sim senhor!" his lackeys shouted in unison. "Esta é uma vara acima! Não qualquer um movimento!" the main dude shouted again. 

Oh dear, it would seem that our unlikely heroes are in trouble! Except for the ones who are "busy", that is. Will they make it out alive!? Will we ever understand what that idiot was saying?! Are Marth and Link really doing it!? "OhhHHhHhHHhh, Link, I love it when you-" Tune in next time to find out more!!

**END OF CHAPTER SIX**

A/N: Yes yes, this, most interesting, chapter is finished ^_^ I lived to write this chapter, that is most certain!! I wrote it as quickly as I could, as I will be doing with the rest of the fic, so I can go onto another fanfic I REALLY, REALLY want to write! Unfortunately for all fans of this series, it won't be rated R, nor will it have any cursing, shounen-ai, sexual innundo, and it won't have anything to do with SSB. In other words, fans of this fic won't like it at all ^_^. BTW, that's the end of the shounen-ai couplings, so don't worry!! Oh yeah, that masked guy was speaking Portugese. If you wanna find out what he was saying, go to http://world.altavista.com ^_^. Saaooo, only one person e-mailed me about the fanpage ;_; I would really, REALLY appreciate it if you guys sent me feedback about the fanfic webpage idea. I need to know if people would actually PARTICIPATE. Anyway, thanks ^_^. PLEEEEEEEEEASE comment on it PLEEEEASE!! *grips onto your ankles and kisses your feet, sobbing uncontrollably* . . . *AHEM* . . . Sorry ^_^;;;. Right. Well, PLEASE comment on the idea. PLEEASE. I think I've begged you enough. Thanks to my good friend Zyabor (go read her fics now, damn you!) for letting me include her characters Jamey and Kiara (although I didn't ask her, I hope you don't mind, Zyabor!!). Oh yeah, does anyone wanna add me to their MSN? ^_^;;; I get so bored now and then. My MSN e-mail thing is stoopid_cooper@hotmail.com, so yeah, please add me!! 


	7. FINALLY, chapter 7 arrives!

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 7)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

SEVERE FOREWARNING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. If you don't like the sounds of this, trust me, you should turn away RIGHT NOW. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game (peh! I wish! I wish I owned . . . yeeeheee . . . LINK too ^^).

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 7)

Everyone at that party was frightened beyond their wits. They watched as that asshole speaking Portugese stole their Gamecubes, television sets, Mr. Saturns, sofas, alcohol . . . everything!! When they were finished, they stood with looks of pure triumph on their faces. "Nós somos terminados aqui. Agora, antes que nós sairmos. . . dispare nesse miúdo chubby," the boss character said with a laugh. He pointed at Ness, and one of his cronies lifted his machine gun. "Sim, senhor!" the lackey shouted with a smirk. He pulled the trigger, and off flew Ness's right arm (it flew back and hit Donkey Kong in the head). Ness stood there, completely bewildered, then looked at the short stub which was once his arm as it spurted with blood. Then, he looked back at Donkey Kong, who had used Ness's arm to start hitting Bowser. Ness then looked back to the Portugese-speaking dude. "You shot me!" he cried. "You shot me right in the arm!" One of the cronies looked confused. "Gajo, eu disparei apenas em seu braço fora e não desmaiou ainda? Não é gritar uniforme? Que o inferno?" he said. Ness looked really, really pissed off. "You son of a bitch!" he screamed. "Do you know how much it hurts to replace arms nowadays!? Motherfuck!! This is the eighth arm I've had to spontaneously grow back in the past three years! I'm fucking sick of this!" Everyone looked at one another with confused looks on their faces. They watched as Ness's arm rapidly grew back. "What the fuck!?" exclaimed Jigglypuff. "What the fuck!?" interjected Falco. "Que a foda!?" spat the guy who shot Ness. "Dude, Ness, what are you!?" Fox asked. Ness suddenly looked embarassed. "Oh! Arrrr, eh, nevermind!" he said nervously. He then sped out of the room. The lead bad-guy shrugged off the sudden confusion quickly, then returned to the task at hand. ". . . Endireite, bom ele é hora para nós de sair! Buahahaha!" he laughed. Suddenly, two female voices were heard behind them. . . . "Não assim rapidamente, stupid," they said in unison. All the Portugese-speakers turned around, and were abruptly shot in the head. All the bad guys died. Everyone looked to see who their rescuers were, and to Falco and Fox's great merriment, it was. . . . "Kiara!" "Jamey!" Their girlfriends. The female fox and the female falcon blew the smoke off their guns, and they grinned. "What, you thought we were going to let our boyfriends party with some other girls?" Kiara asked. Jamey shook her head. "If that's what you were thinking, then forget about it, 'coz we're here to party!" she said. She snapped her fingers. "DJ, keep the music comin'!"

Y'Link didn't have a clue as to where he was. He woke up on a huge, rubber bed of sorts . . . wait a minute! That wasn't a bed, it was a giant . . . hand!? "Me love pretty boy," cooed the owner of the hand. Y'Link looked up to see who this person speaking was, and he saw a TALL woman with long blond hair (think Britney Spears in a cavewoman outfit, 80 feet tall and you've got the drift) and big blue eyes (Conker fans should know who this is!). His eyes widened. "H-hello!! I'm Y-Y'Link, who are you?" he asked. He hoped to get to know more than just her name, of course. "My name Jugga," she said. Y'Link gave her a big, dopey grin, and abruptly fainted forward back into Jugga's hand.

The next morning, augh, I woke up with a killer hangover and I was sleeping with . . . *looks to her right* . . . AHHHHHHHH!! "Hey Nekonezume, what's wrong?" Ness asked from beside me. Help. Oh please, please help. "You certainly weren't acting like that last night," Ness added. Dammit, no. This isn't cool. I would be FINE if I woke up with Link, possibly Roy, maybe even Marth, dammit, but NESS!? Shoot me!! Augh, let's go onto the next scene so I can get out of this mess without all my readers laughing at me. . . .

Link woke up slowly with the sun shining in his face. He groaned loudly. "Someone please turn the fucken sun off, auggghhh, my heeeaddd," he moaned. Well, what do you expect? I mean, he WAS completely smashed out of his skull last night. Suddenly, he noticed that he wasn't alone in the bed he was in. He grinned. "Saaaamusss," he said slowly, putting his arms around the person in the bed. It was right then that he realized something. . . . The person he thought was Samus had a six-pack, and a rather masculine six-pack at that. His eyes widened in horror as he struggled to remember the previous nights events. A giggle was then heard beneath the covers. "Mmmmm, Link. . . ." came a masculine voice. Link recognized that voice straight away ('scuse the pun). It was Marth's voice. Link was too horrified to even speak as Marth's face peeked out from beneath the blankets. He inched closer to Link (who quickly took his arms away from around Marth's waist) and tried to kiss him. Link quickly pulled away. "Marth, what the hell!?" he shouted when he finally got some words out. "SHUT UP!" the entire room screamed. They were hungover, too. Marth frowned. "Hey, _you_ came onto _me_ last night, and you didn't seem as pissed as you are now back when I was-" "DON'T EVEN SAY IT! I don't want to even REMEMBER any single BIT of what you did to me last night, Marth!" Link shouted. "SHUT UP!" the whole room screamed once again. Of course, right then, Samus came rushing into the room. "Link, I-" she started. She had a big grin on her face . . . until she looked into Link's bed. She then saw Marth there, and her eyes widened. "Link!" she exclaimed. "How . . . how. . . ! How could you do this to me?! You told me you loved me! You said to me that - that - that . . . I can't believe you're a fag!" Link looked upset. "Samus, please, just let me try to explain," he started, hopping out of the bed (he was stark naked, too). Samus started to cry. "No, Link, I know perfectly well," she sobbed as she ran out of the room. Link looked down, then fell to the ground. "FUCK!" he screamed angrily as he pounded the floor with his fist. "SHUT UP!"

Samus ran down the hallway, wiping tears from her face. She headed into the dorm that DK, Roy, and Pichu shared, and she saw Roy in there, sitting on his bed and looking out the window. "Roy!" Samus cried. She climbed up the latter to his top bunk and looked over the bedside. Roy quickly spun his head around to look at the sobbing girl. His eyes softened immediately. "Samus, what's wrong?" he asked slowly, extending a hand to help her up onto the bed. Samus oblidged and grabbed his hand. He pulled her up. "It's . . . it's Link!" she said sadly. "He . . . he and Marth, they . . . they _slept_ together last night." Roy looked sad, and he felt like shit too, because it was all his fault. But still, he put his arms around Samus and gave her a little hug, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. "He didn't even tell you anything before he did it?" he asked. Samus shook her head as she buried her face into Roy's shoulder. "No," she sobbed. Just then, Pichu blinked an eye open. "'Ey!" he hissed. "Wanna keep it down a bit? You'll wake up Jigglypuff!" Samus sighed, and Roy pointed to the washroom. "We can talk in there," he whispered. Samus wiped some tears away. "Okay," she replied sadly. The two silently hopped off the bed, and crept into the washroom. When they got in there, Samus just started to cry once again, burying her face in her hands. Roy walked over and took Samus into his arms, letting her cry on his shoulder. "I thought Link was different," she sobbed. "He said he wouldn't ever do anything to break my heart. He told me he loved me." Roy swallowed the lump in his throat. "I . . . know how you feel," he replied. "And it's okay to cry. It's okay." Samus returned the hug Roy was giving her by wrapping her arms around him. "Roy," Samus said in a quivering, muffled voice, "if . . . it weren't for Link, you probably would have been person I'd have ended up with. You're such a sweet guy, Roy." Roy sighed. "I'm . . . not that sweet," he said sadly. Samus squeezed him a bit. "But you are, you're the sweetest guy I know." She laughed a bit. "I think the only reason I ended up with Link is because . . . he was a REALLY good fuck." Roy laughed a bit himself. "You mean, you were using him?" he asked, almost hopefully. "I think it was almost a mutual thing. I did like him, a lot, but he was just using me for sex. That's how Link is. He's a player. He's hot, funny, all that, but . . . he's a player. The thing that hurts the most is. . . ." Samus began. She pulled away from Roy's embrace and looked him in the eye. "He dropped me for a guy." She then noticed Roy's eyes suddenly start to well up with tears, and he looked sad. He turned away from Samus, who frowned. "What's wrong, Roy?" she asked. Roy closed his eyes and allowed a tear to escape. "Dammit! It hurts me so much to see you upset like this!" he hissed. Samus smiled a bit and patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, Roy. I'll be fine," she said. She walked around a bit to meet Roy and she looked him in the eye. "Really," she whispered. Roy's face suddenly turned a red to match his vibrant hair. Samus laughed, then went up on her toes, and kissed Roy.

A/N: _Is it just me, or was that scene _WAYYYYY _too sappy!? Okay, it's time for a funneh scene! . . . after this one, ennywho._

Kirby and Pikachu woke up in the same bed, and the two were actually rather grumpy. Kirby glared at Pikachu. "I saw you staring at Jigglypuff last night," he growled. "I thought you liked _me_. What the hell's going on, Pikachu?" Pikachu frowned. "Fucken . . . I saw _you_ staring at her, too! As if I'M the blind one!?" Suddenly, his gaze turned from angry to kind of sad. "Kirby, you know what we're doing to eachother, don't you?" he asked slowly. Kirby raised an eyebrow. "Erm, no, eh, not really," Kirby replied in a confused tone. Pikachu sighed. "Dude, we're completely leading eachother on to believe that we each are gay and like the other, yet in reality, we're both straight as any other straight guy, and we're each trying to make Jigglypuff really jealous. That's what we're doing," he muttered. Kirby looked down. "Yeah . . . I guess you're right. . . ." he said sadly. Then, his sad look turned into an almost evil grin. "Dude, let's go steal Jigglypuff back from the acidic claws of Pichu!" the two said in unison. They both hopped off the bed, then they ran toward the dorm that Pichu, Donkey Kong, and Roy shared. "Listen up, you fucken . . euuuh . . . orange-mustached purple-toenailed fuzzy-haired yellow-dicked Barney-t-shirt-wearing abnormal piece of repeating manila envelope SHIT! Nana is MINE!" Donkey Kong growled. Bowser simply shrugged. "Having a yellow dick is much better than having none at all," he said with a smirk. DK frowned. "Oh yeah!? Well . . . euh . . . euh . . . your . . . earrings are . . . grape-scented . . . and your . . . chainmail belt . . . is made of . . . fermented . . . rice," DK finished, euh, "triumphantly". Bowser burst into laughter. "WHAHAA! Ohhh, shiot, that was a good one, DK! Hahahah!" he howled, wiping a tear of laughter away. DK sighed. He had had enough of fighting with one of his best friends over a girl that he'd loved forever. There was no point. Bowser WAS his best friend (what, you were expecting Diddy!?). He sighed. "You know what, Bowser?" he said slowly, "forget it. You have her. I don't care. I'm sick of losing my best friend over someone who never even liked me in the first place. It's not that important. I'll move on. It's okay. You have her." Donkey Kong sighed, and walked slowly away, grabbing a bottle of vodka from the night before on his way out that door. Bowser stood there, his eyes widened, feeling utterly bewildered. Then, he grinned and shrugged. " . . . Okay!" he exclaimed with a grin, then set out to find his newfound princess.

Wario tapped Daisy lightly on the head as she dozed silently on the barstool from the night before. The funny thing was, Daisy was butt-fuckin'-naked. The night before, Daisy had gotten utterly shitfaced after Wario had brought her back from the talk he gave her. He basically just stumbled over his words the whole time, and Daisy finally left after he apologized for wasting her time. Quite obviously still emotionally destroyed from her recent breakup with Luigi, Daisy ordered several shots of vodka, as well as some whisky, rum (and Pepsi) and other such hard alcohol. Slammer after slammer after slammer, she knocked them all back (how she avoided alcohol poisoning, I will NEVER know) until she got so utterly smashed out of her skull that she stripped naked and started to dance on the bar table . . . all the while vomiting on gawking male passers-by. Sometime after the Portugese-speaking assholes . . . er, died, Daisy slipped on a puddle of beer and fell from the bar table down. Her feet had slipped out from under her, so on the way down, she bashed her head on the table, and landed (unconscious) sprawled on her stomach on a barstool. Naturally, she had the wind knocked out of her, and she vomited onto the floor. Then, she fell asleep. She didn't have a concussion, but she still got knocked out pretty badly. See, folks? That's what happens when you cheat on someone! (I'm just kidding, put your mouldy tomatoes away!!) After being tapped, Daisy's silent dozing turned into a loud snoring. Wario quickly wrapped Daisy up into a blanket (especially since Popo had been standing right behind him, going "Huhuhuhuhu!" and loading a battery into his camcorder), then proceeded to carry her off to a couch. Popo stood there with a very upset look on his face. "Awwww . . . so much for a porno tape," he said sadly. Wario gently placed Daisy on the couch, and slowly tried to wake her up. After a moment of coaxing, Daisy slowly opened her eyes, gave Wario a weary smile, then proceeded to vomit on his shoes. Wario gulped as he watched Daisy vomit grotesquely upon his new, polished, patent leather shoes, but then gave her a grin when she was finished. . . . A very weak, forced grin. "Hey," he said. Daisy grabbed her head upon that word, then groaned. "My heeeaaddd," she grumbled. "Stop shouting at me, Wario." Wario laughed a bit. "Well, you _did_ drink far too much alcohol, get utterly smashed out of your skull and then bash said skull off the bar table," he said with a slight shrug. Daisy's eyes widened. "I . . . I _what_!? I don't even _remember_ what happened last night! Not a single bit of it!" she cried. Then, she came to the horrible realization one has when they find out he or she's wearing absolutely no clothes. Daisy gasped loudly. "Wario . . . we didn't . . . after I. . . ?" she said slowly. Wario laughed. "No, no, we didn't," he said. "But, to refresh your memory, you drank until the point where you couldn't think straight, tore off your clothes and started to dance on the bar table. Finally, you slipped on a puddle of beer and fell on your head and onto a barstool. I brought you in here because you were, uhhm, 'on display' out there." Daisy's face went from flesh-coloured to crimson. "Are you serious!? That's _so_ embarassing. . . ." she muttered in humiliation. Wario gave her a smile. "But, that's okay," he said. "I don't think anyone remembers it. They were all drunk last night." Just then, Dr. Mario walked by. "Hey, Daisy! Great show you put on last night! Did you hear me shouting encore?" he said with a wink. Daisy turned to Wario with a look of pure horror on her face. Wario laughed nervously and coughed. "Er, what I meant was . . . I don't think _many_ people remembered it," he muttered. He then shook his head. "But, that doesn't really matter. Er, do you mind if I get on with what I was trying to say to you last night?" Daisy nodded. "Sure, go ahead." For the next ten minutes after that, Wario completely poured his heart out to Daisy, telling her how he felt about her, and how much she meant to him. Daisy looked down. "What do you think?" Wario asked slowly, feeling more than a little bit embarassed. Daisy's face flushed white. "Er . . . well . . . I think you'd better bring me a bucket!" she exclaimed hurriedly. "And FAST!" Wario's eyes widened, and he hopped to his feet and sped out of the room, simultaneously deciding that perhaps he should wait awhile and help nurse Daisy's hangover before trying to win her over. Maybe that would be the best bet.

Roy and Samus were sitting together on Roy's bed, talking about things; _really_ getting to know eachother. "What's your favourite colour?" Roy asked slowly. Samus giggled. "Blue! What's yours?" she asked. Roy's eyes widened. "No way!" he exclaimed. "Mine too!" Samus grinned and hugged Roy tightly around the waist. "You know, Roy?" she started. Roy raised his eyebrows. "Hm?" he said quickly. "I've been thinking," Samus continued. "We have a lot in common, don't we? And if we actually became like a real couple, we could do things other than just fuck around, right? Like, stay up all night talking about stories from when we were young and shit like that?" Roy smiled. "Yeah, I guess so," he said. Suddenly, his Shoulder Guardians appeared on each of his shoulders; Evil Roy on the left and Angel Roy on the right. "You're going to tell Samus what really happened, aren't you?" Angel Roy asked, his halo slipping slightly as he spoke. He was quick to replace it. "Yo, you pansy-ass bitchfuck! He ain't gonna tell his slut nuthin'! He's just in it fo' the PUSS-AYYY!" Devil Roy cried exuberantly, thrusting his pelvis. "Shut the fuck up, you asshole!" Roy hissed toward his left shoulder. Samus raised an eyebrow. "What was that?" she said quickly. Roy coughed. "Nothing, just talking to myself," he said, then starting to hum a bit. "No matter how many times you try to cover it up, it's going to come back to haunt you," warned Angel Roy as he sat down and began to play his harp. It was quite soothing. Just then, Devil Roy whipped out the ol' electric guitar complete with a huge-ass amp which was strategically placed on the top of Roy's head. Devil Roy began wailing out some huge riffs, not long before he started to play a long guitar solo. Roy jumped away from Samus and quickly plugged his ears. Samus frowned. "Roy. . . ? Are you okay?" she asked, but Roy couldn't hear her. Devil Roy's sick solo was playing loudly in his head. "DUDE! Shut the FUCK up!" Angel Roy screamed. Devil Roy abruptly stopped. "What da FUCK is yo' problem? I was jus' spittin' some tunes!" he said, sounding very offended. "We're trying to teach him a lesson, not deafen him, fucktwat," Angel Roy snapped, frowning disapprovingly. Devil Roy frowned and pointed at Angel Roy's harp. "But you're playing your harp! Why the fuck can't I play a little guitar?" he protested. Angel Roy rolled his eyes. "_Because_, brainfart, harps are soothing, and electric guitars are for times where you DON'T WANT TO GO DEAF!" he shouted. Devil Roy's bottom lip quivered. "I wuz jus' tryin' to-" he started, before Angel Roy interrupted. "Piss me off? Well, assmonger, it worked! Now, before you start crying like you did the time you shut your dick in the freezer and the thing broke off-" he said. Roy's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "-let's get Roy to fucken tell Samus what REALLY happened last night, okay!?" Devil Roy glanced at Roy, tears dancing in his eyes. "Look, dude, the boss got me a new dick! I'm not a-" Devil Roy started. Roy shook his head. "Your dick _broke off_?" he hissed. Samus raised an eyebrow. "Roy, are you feeling okay?" she asked slowly. Without looking at her, Roy nodded his head quickly. "Yeah, yeah, never been better," he said speedily. Angel Roy flew in front of him, then hovered there for a moment with an angelic grin on his face. "Roy, my son, do what is right. Be honest with Samus, and let her know _why_ Marth and Link fucked like two maddogs last night. Tell her the truth," he said, all the while keeping the same grin on his face (and not even cracking up! Damn, bitch, I would've cracked up like, say, 8 times saying that!). Roy sighed and nodded. "I know it's the right thing to do, but if I do, she'll hate me," he said sadly. "Exactly!" Devil Roy cut in, interrupting Angel Roy, who was about to speak. "Don't let the truth get in the way of you gettin' some tail!" Angel Roy's eyes turned to bright green lasers, and he turned to look at Devil Roy. "DON'T FUCK WITH THE TRUTH, LOREENA BOBBIT," he said loudly. Devil Roy started to cry. "Why are you always so _mean_!?" he sobbed. Angel Roy's eyes went back to normal, and he smiled once more and turned to Roy. "Samus will hate you more if she ever finds out that you were withholding the truth. So, go on! You'll feel better after," he promised. Roy nodded, then looked down, and took a deep breath. "Samus," Roy started, "there's something I need to tell you." Samus raised a hand quickly. "Before you do, mind if you tell me _why_ you were thinking out loud, there? And _who_ will hate you? And _whose_ dick broke off?" she asked. Roy laughed a bit. "Samus, have you ever seen those movies where out of nowhere, a devil and an angel appears on the shoulder of one of the characters, and each of them tries to tell that certain character what's best to do?" he asked. Samus grinned. "Oh, _that_? That happens to me all the time!" she laughed. Roy sighed and looked down. "Dammit, why do we have to have so much in common!? Anyway, Samus, there's something I need to tell you. You won't like this, but it . . . needs to be said, okay?" he said slowly. Samus looked interested. "Hm? Oh, sure, Roy, you can tell me anything," she said. Roy took another deep breath. "Okay," he started, then he told her what had happened the night before.

"HOW MANY PEOPLE WANNA KICK SOME ASS!" sang Kirby and Pikachu as they ran through the- wait a second! What the fuck! That's a Stroke 9 song, you asses! You're _supposed_ to be singing some Blink 182! Kirby and Pikachu stopped abruptly. "Fuck you," they said in unison, then carried on with their song and their running down the hallway. They kicked open the door to Roy's, Pichu's and DK's dorm, and witnessed Roy telling Samus some stuff. "And I know it was wrong, pairing up Link and Marth like that and breaking your heart-" he said to a crying Samus. He quickly turned to see Kirby and Pikachu - decked out fully in ninja attire and carrying sharpened bamboo sticks - standing by the door. "Get the FUCK out!" he shouted, hopping off the top bunk and running to shoo Kirby and Pikachu out the door. "Where's Pichu?" demanded Kirby. Roy shoved the two out the door. "How the _fuck_ should I know!? I don't keep tabs on him! This room was _empty_ when we got in here, hence why we are having a _private_ conversation in here! For fucks sakes, there was a _rubber band_ on the door! Last time I checked, that meant that _privacy_ was desired!" he yelled. Pikachu snorted. "You dumbass! That may work in college, but it _doesn't_ work here!" he laughed. Roy pushed the two once more. "OUT!" he finished, running back into the door, then slamming it and locking it. "Damn," said Kirby. "Well, what do we do now?" The camera zoomed right in on Pikachu's face like it usually does in movies when the character is about to say something witty, such as "it's show time" or "let's go". "I haven't got the fucking slightest," he said.

Yoshi woke up next to a rather large form. He giggled to himself, knowing who it was, even though he was having a massive hangover. He turned over and put his arm around the form, when suddenly, he realized something. There was _another_ form next to him. Being the dragon-sandwich he was, Yoshi spun around in the bed and looked into the face of . . . well . . . quite honestly, Yoshi didn't know who the fuck it was. All he knew, was that it was decidedly female. Wait a second, female?! Yoshi snapped up quickly, then looked to Ganondorf and shook him awake. Slowly, the G-Dorf Meister (hey! Hey! I just thought up a nickname for him! Doesn't that rule! BOOOYA!!) rose from the bed, and looked to the side at Yoshi. A grin spread quickly over his face. "Hey, pumpkin!" he said, grabbing Yoshi and squeezing him in a hug. "Sleep well? I sure as fuck didn't. Hangover." Yoshi gulped. "Uhm, Gannie? There's another person in bed with us," he whimpered. Ganondorf grinned a bit. "Is he cute?" he asked with a giggle. Yoshi's eyes widened, then became slightly sad. "For one thing, he is a SHE," he muttered, watching the G-Dorf Meister's eyes quickly grow to the size of fully-ripened tomatoes. "And for another . . . what the hell!? I thought you only had eyes for _me_!" Yoshi whimpered. The G-Dorf Meister gulped. "Yeah, yeah I do, but . . . gahhh let's just see who it is," he muttered, slipping his arm around Yoshi's waist then leaning over to pull down the sheets. He did so quickly, and a look of shock flew onto the faces of both the G-Dorf Meister (huhuhu, man I rule) and Yoshi like a glob of pizza dough being flung onto the ceiling of a pizzaria by a new person who's about to be fired after his first fifteen minutes on the job. "Gah! I can't believe it!" Yoshi screamed. "The horror! THE HORROR!" The G-Dorf Meister whimpered, shielding his eyes. "Hey guys, what's up?" giggled Birdo. Yoshi took a giant bound from the bed and ran screaming like a little bitch into the hallway.

I sat in the bed beside Ness, crying. Crying very hard. Dammit, I even had hiccups. That sucked. And it was emb-right, on with the story. "What's wrong, Nekonezume? Last night you were clinging onto me, saying 'Ness, fuck me'! What changed?" Ness questioned in a rather confused tone. I looked over at him with a look that I'm sure would kill myself, were I looking in the mirror. . . . okay, did that make any sense? Because what I meant was - right, on with the story. "Ness, I have a _boyfriend_ at home who I love, okay? And I was drunk as a skunk who was having unprotected sex and doing interveinous drugs at the same time. Even though I don't normally drink and I'm a virgin and - you get the point, right?" I growled. Ness shrugged. "Okay. I'll go find that cute Phyllis chick from Animal Crossing now," he said with a somewhat evil grin. I made a face. "Dude, what the fuck!? Phyllis is a pelican! Dude, you are _nasty_!" I exclaimed, shaking my head so that my hair (which was sticking out in every direction at this time) flopped about and whapped me in the face a few times. It kinda hurt. Ness shrugged. "It's all the same to me, so long as I'm getting some," he said. I pushed him off the bed, making him bash his skull mightily against the floor, and then I ran out of the room (butt naked, man! I sure wish I had even grabbed a BLANKET! Man did _I_ get a lot of stares. . . .) and sped down the hallway.

Fox and Falco woke up next to Jamey and Kiara (dude, they were in separate beds, naturally!). Since neither of them had been drunk the night before, they both speedily recollected the events of the previous night. _Life is sweet,_ they both thought with grins on their faces. That's kind of creepy! Their simultaneous thoughts, that is. Especially since they were in different rooms.

Y'Link awoke on Jugga's hand and quickly stood up. He looked into the eyes of the robust (okay, that is an UNDERSTATEMENT) woman and grinned toothily. And dopily. And rather stupidly. Damn. Men. "It wasn't a dream! You're really . . . real!" he gasped, his eyes going all googly. Jugga giggled. "Pretty boy have banana in pants," she laughed. Y'Link's eyes widened, and he looked down. Abruptly, his face gleamed a rather becoming shade of crimson. Too bad it clashed with his tunic. _Damn thermal expansion!_ he thought. **END OF CHAPTER SEVEN**

A/N: I'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRYI'MSORRY!!! *cough* That aside. I gravely apologize to EVERYONE. I know. I know. I took the summer off. I'm sorry. I had severe writer's block. But I'm okay now. I'm motivated. The juices are flowing. Wooooooo fuck!! I'm soooo sorry! I'll remind you all that I only write when I'm motivated, so if I'm taking awhile, just let it go at its own pace, okie? Don't worry, I wouldn't ever NOT-FINISH a fanfic ^_~. By the by, I would like to announce that the OFFICIAL SSBM:E forum is now open! Go to http://pub63.ezboard.com/fpoedteenfrm18 and check it out! ^^. Also, check out the other forums while you're there, and post around if you like! Invite others, too! And post some junk! And yes, the whole Angel Roy-Devil Roy thing was stolen from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back :P. That movie was the shiot, man! Fuck fuck fuck, motha motha fuck, motha motha fuck fuck . . . woooo sorry :P. Right, if you want to know what all the Portugese was, go to http://world.altavista.com. I will warn you now that Altavista sucks at translating and much of it will make no sense Next chapter is the last one! But no fears . . . there will be an epilogue! In the meantime, check out ze messageboard! 


	8. The conclusion to this piece of crap fan...

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 8)

©2002 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!

SEVERE FOREWARNING! Some silly shounen-ai, cursing, some . . . interesting couples (very out-of-the-ordinary O.o), people who are extremely out-of-character, lemon-lime-flavoured humour, and much more naughty fun :D you have been warned! Also note that I really hate Ness, so he will be harmed periodically throughout. If you don't like the sounds of this, trust me, you should turn away RIGHT NOW. Enjoy!

[A/N: I mean nothing against gay people in this fic! If someone calls a homosexual character "queer", it's probably because they're pissed off. I also don't mean to offend anyone if it appears that I am using homosexuality as an insult. These are not my own views. I mean not to offend, and if I do, I'm VERY sorry!]

LEGAL SSBM DISCLAIMER: © 2001 Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I don't own any rights for the game (peh! I wish! I wish I owned . . . yeeeheee . . . LINK too ^^).

Super Smash Bros. Melee: EXPOSED (Part 8)

It was Sunday morning, and everyone was sort of melancholy because it was the day they were to depart from good ol' HAL. Fox and Falco were setting up some last-minute pranks to try and impress Kiara and Jamey, Jugga was planting kisses on Y'Link all over, Roy was avoiding Samus to the best of his ability, Wario was trying to talk to Daisy, Captain Falcon and Peach were making plans to move in together while Mario watched silently and sadly, Shiek and Zelda were . . . uhm, well, I suppose you can guess. However, Nana, DK and Bowser. . . . "Nana!" Bowser shouted, "I need to talk to you!" Bowser noticed suddenly that Nana was no longer adorned in her princess attire, yet she also wasn't wearing her snowsuit. She was just dressed in a normal pair of jeans, and a Donkey Kong t-shirt. Bowser took a double take on the t-shirt, then realised what was going on when she turned around, and it was made noticable that she was waiting for someone. Bowser paused for a moment as DK walked out of the men's room and greeted Nana with a kiss on the cheek. Bowser's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. You see, the night before, Nana was feeling guilty, so she pulled DK aside and talked to him for awhile. She told him how she was feeling bad about pitting the two best friends against eachother, and how no princess should do that. It was right then and there she resigned from being a princess (much to the dismay of Peach, Zelda, and Daisy), and then admitted to DK that she never really realised what she thought of him until that very night. She told him she really liked him, and she even started to choke up a bit. He brushed the tears away, then looked down, smiled, and gave her a big hug. Indeed, DK quit drinking that night as well. *sniff sniff* . . . I'm not crying, leave me alone! I have allergies . . . there's something in my eye! *sniffle* Leave me aloooooone! Nana glanced at Bowser. "What is it?" she asked. Bowser realised right then that the only reason he had any feelings for Nana at all in the first place was because she was a princess. Now that she was no longer, he noticed that his feelings for her were gone. He shrugged. "Oh, I heard about you and DK. 'Gratulations!" he said, patting DK on the shoulder. "You finally got her, eh, bud?" DK smirked a bit. "Yeah," he said. "Thanks."

"What are we going to do about her, sweetbuns?" whispered G. N. Dorfman (HAHA I'm so KILLER with nicknames!) to Yoshi, making a gesture backwards with his thumb toward Birdo. Yoshi shrugged. "How the hell should I know?" he asked. "So what if she used to be my girlfriend? That was back when I was. . . ." (insert shudder here) ". . . straight." He shuddered again at the thought of Birdo, and how whenever they used to kiss, she used to open that huge gaping mouth of hers and inhale so quickly she'd suck his entire head in (OI, you perverts! Stop thinking like that! You know what I mean!). "Well, she's been bugging us for another go since yesterday morning . . . so maybe if we give her one, she'll shut up," said Gan Gan the Fine Old Man (HAHAHA! I SLAY MYSELF!) pensively. Upon Yoshi's face there was a look of complete and utter horror. "ARE YOU OFF YOUR ROCKER!?" Yoshi shouted. He then remembered that Birdo was walking behind them, so he turned around quickly to see if she suspected anything. He watched as the pink . . . thing began to play with a butterfly, then continued by ramming headfirst into the wall. Yoshi snorted. Ganniewannie Dorf Dorf (HAHAHAHAHA! *falls off chair* huhuhuhuhu) quickly shot a glance at Yoshi. "I'm being serious, you know," he hissed.

Pikachu and Kirby woke up in the Planet Zebes arena, having their asses _slightly_ burnt by the acid bubbling up beneath them. They screamed loudly and lept several metres into the atmosphere. "You IDIOTS!" shouted one of the employees of HAL. "First, you lose to a miniscule rat, THEN you get knocked out and don't wake up for TEN HOURS!? Sad. Get yer asses out of the arena!" Said employee pummeled the two with more acid until they finally decided to leave. When they were outside of the arena (rubbing their burnt away, sore bottoms), they looked around, and sighed. "What are we going to do?" Kirby asked sadly. "Pichu kicked our asses. That means that _he_ gets Jigglypuff. So what are _we_ going to do?" Pikachu sighed and kicked a rock (they were inside, and there was a pebble there . . . oooookaaay . . .). "I don't know," he muttered sadly. "We've lost her." Then, the two heard some giggling, and abruptly looked up. They watched as a Clefairy and a Sneasel walked down the hallway, laughing and giggling to themselves. Okay, I have a HUGE beef with the name "Sneasel". What the fuck is that!? I mean, in Japanese, her name was Nyura, which is a pretty spiffy name. I believe that Sneasel are cats, 'coz, I mean, LOOK AT THEM! And then, the damn North Americans go and change her name to "Sneasel" because she's a "sneaky weasel". Well, you know what? MY ASS! Sneaky weasel! Peh! Now, where were we? "Hmmm," said Pikachu with a sly grin. Kirby looked at him. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', dude?" he asked. Pikachu grinned, and the two sauntered over to the two Pokémon. "Hello, ladies," they said in unison.

Daisy passed by Wario in the hallway and noticed he wasn't making eye contact. She grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt, stopping him dead in his tracks. "Hey," she said with a soft grin. Wario glanced nervously into her eyes for just a second. "Oh, er, hi," he said quickly, "what's up?" Daisy tugged on his sleeve a bit, and pulled him into an empty bedroom. "I want to talk to you," she said, "THAT'S what's up." Wario raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he said slowly. "What about?" Daisy took a quick glance toward the floor. "Well, about yesterday. First off, I'd like to thank you . . . for nursing that bloody hangover. I'm feeling a lot better now. Thanks," she said with a smile. Wario noticed her face was red. The light outside was dim, because it was raining out, and since there wasn't a light on in the room, there was very little light in the room, so the fact that Wario noticed that Daisy's face was red was rather . . . observent? Bah, leave me alone. Wario gave her a smile in return, and tilted Daisy's chin upward, so he could look into her eyes. "You're welcome," he said, "I'd do anything for you." Daisy smiled at his having said that, then cleared her throat and continued. "I just, uhm, wanted to tell you that . . . I've . . . formed a crush on you over these past few days . . . despite the whole Luigi thing. In fact . . . it's more than just a crush. I . . . really . . . care about you, Wario. . . ." she whispered. Now, it was Wario's turn to blush. "Are you . . . being serious?" he asked hopefully. Lots of . . . pauses . . . going on, eh? :D Daisy smiled, then nodded. Wario grinned, then leaned down and kissed Daisy on the cheek. Then, Daisy went up on her toes kissed Wario on the lips in return.

Roy was hiding in the living room, lurking behind the door which led out into the hallway to make sure that Samus wasn't going to walk in and see him. Suddenly, he thought he caught a glimpse of Samus walking away from where he was. "Oh, good," he said loudly, with a sigh of relief, "I don't think she saw me what a rel-" "Roy?" "GAHHHHHH!" Roy lept about a mile into the air (okay, well THAT would be a hyperbole . . . he lept about a foot, then), then spun around only to look directly into the eyes of. . . . Samus. "What the . . . how the FUCK did you do that!?" Roy cried, obviously quite confused. Samus giggled a bit. "It's like one of those things that people in cartoons do. Cool, huh? Anyway, we, er, need to talk," she said. Roy sighed loudly. "I was afraid of that," he muttered quietly. Samus put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, follow me," she said, then led him into another vacant bedroom. Hang on a second . . . if there are all these vacant bedrooms, then how come everyone had to stay in a dorm? "Budget," muttered Roy, "now can we get on with the rest of the scene? I'm sure readers are sick of your incessant ramblings." Hey! I could kill y - I guess you've got a point. On you go, Roy. Bastard. Roy cleared his throat and glowered at me, hiding in the corner. Actually, the video camera robot-me, that - nevermind. Roy cleared his throat a second time. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" he asked slowly. Samus looked him in the eye with a hard expression on her face. "Look," she said solemnly, "I hate what you did the other night. Pairing Link up with Marth . . . it wasn't cool." Roy looked down sadly, thinking to himself that Samus wouldn't forgive him. "But," Samus said slowly. Roy snapped his head up and looked her in the eye. "I'm going to forgive you. The damage has been done. There's no point in being angry. And, besides. . . ." Samus trailed off for a moment. "I should probably thank you. Thanks to you, I now realise what my true feelings are." Roy's face went slightly pink. "Which . . . feelings would those be?" he asked slowly, his heart pounding. Samus smirked and leaned forward . . . then, kissed Roy.

All of a sudden, as Peach was passing Mewtwo in the hallway, she sneezed on him. Mewtwo stopped and looked at her, cocking an eyebrow, and just as she was about to apologize, Peach sneezed on him again. "I'm so very-" she began, but then VIOLENTLY sneezed on Mewtwo ten more times! Now, I'm sure you guys know what happens when people sneeze ten times in a row *COUGH COUGH*. Well . . . that didn't happen to Peach right then, just because, she's . . . Peach . . . and . . . erm, well, Mewtwo's head was then covered with mucus and saliva. "I'm so sor-!" Peach started. She sneezed VERY violently in a massive spray of spittle and snot (eeeww), and Mewtwo was one wet pussy! OK, I'm SORRY, I HAD to do it. I had an opening. I took it. I'm sorry. That was terrible. "I apologize," Peach said passively. "It must be Luigi, throwing out the contents of his vaccuum again. Makes me sneeze every time. Excuse me." She walked off. Mewtwo entered the washroom to wash himself off.

Marth was looking at the ground sadly as he walked down the hallway, feeling very lonely and depressed, indeed. He figured by now that Samus hated him utterly for what he had done the other night, and that Link was completely disgusted and weirded out by him, and . . . well, in all honesty, he was right. "Thanks a lot, Nekonezume," he muttered sadly. Hey, sorry, dude, I call 'em as I see 'em. Anyway, just then, as Marth was shuffling slowly through the hallway, he bumped headfirst into Link, who was also moping around. "OUCH!" Link shouted, "Watch where you're going, fag!" Now, he hadn't even seen that that was Marth. That was just some random derrogatory term he thought up at that moment in time. Then, he looked at who it was, and his eyes went from normal, to abnormally huge. He noticed how hurt Marth looked. "Dude, that was really below the belt," Marth said sadly. "I mean, really, man. . . ." Link mentally kicked himself. "Marth, I am _so_ sorry, I didn't even know it was you," he said honestly. "Besides, I was looking for you." Marth looked slightly less upset. "Really? Why?" he asked. Link laughed a bit. "It's, er, about the other night," he said, looking around to make sure no one was watching or listening . . . except me, of course. Me, sitting there all alone in my little corner . . . anyway. Marth's face went red. "Oh, that . . ." he started, "Look, Link, I understand if you loathe me entirely now . . . just say the word, and I'll leave you alone." Link laughed a bit. "No, dude, that's not it," he said, shaking his head. "I just want to say that . . . well, although it is against my morals, I'm cool with what we did the other night. I mean, I'm glad I forgot all about it, and I hope I didn't enjoy it in the slightest fraction of a bit, - no offense - but I'm really okay with it, and hope we can just go back to being friends, and forget the whole thing happened. Is that okay with you?" he finished. Marth smiled. "I can live with that," he replied simply. He and Link high-fived eachother. "Now . . . here's hoping Samus doesn't utterly hate me. I'm gonna go look for her," Link said.

Suddenly, a huge safe that read "1 TON" fell sharply upon Ness's skull. Teach ya ta sleep with me, asshole!

Fox, Falco, Jamey, and Kiara were all sitting in the common room, waiting for someone to pull a prank on. Just then, Pichu and Jigglypuff shadowed the doorway, holding hands. Pichu grinned broadly. "Huy, guys!! How's it goin'!" he squealed enthusiastically. Awr . . . Pichu's SO cute. Fox and Falco looked at eachother mischieviously, then turned back to the adorable wittle couple in the doorway ^_^. "Nothing much, Pichu. Say, how'sabout you come in and talk to us for awhile?" Fox said with a sly grin. Pichu looked excitedly at Jigglypuff. "Didja hear that, Jigglypuff!? C'mon!" he cried. He pulled Jigglypuff onto the floor, and they started to run over, when they suddenly slipped on a patch of wax on the floor and fell FLAT on their asses! Fox and Falco cracked up and gave eachother high-fives. As Fox and Falco were laughing and their girlfriends were clapping at their performances, another familiar figure darkened the doorway. "Hello, Fox," came an accented, feminine voice. Fox looked up in surprise, then glanced in the general direction of the voice. He _knew_ that voice. The familiar figure walked away from the silhouette, revealing that it was. . . . "Krystal!?" Fox exclaimed. The scantily-clad blue vixen emerged from the shadows, swishing her fluffy tail gently, hinting at a slight annoyance. Oooh! That sentence made me sound smart!! "Fox McCloud," she said angrily, "it's been two whole years since Dinosaur Planet and you haven't even called me? What am I, nonexistant? You would think that after that lust-filled night we had-" Fox glanced nervously at Jamey, who seemed morbidly amused. "-that you would at least give me a call. What happened? That night was so amazing!! I've never had that many orgasms before!" Fox's eyes widened and nearly popped straight out of his skull. He glanced back at Jamey, whose eyebrows were raised. She looked over at Fox, who quickly opened his mouth to protest. "Jam, baby, I don't know _what_ she's talking about! I mean, sure, I _can_ give girls multiple orgasms and all, but, eh, not her!! She must've gotten info from one of my older girlfriends - er, NO!! I mean, she must've, eh, gotten some info from you, somehow . . . SHE HYPNOTISED YOU! Yes! She hypnotised you, and me, and the both of us at the same time and pried the information out of the both of us-" Jamey was rolling her eyes and looking quite impatient by this time, and Falco was cracking up. "-while we were both asleep, and found out about that night we had last weekend!" Fox finished, his face redder than his fur. Krystal laughed. Hard. "Funny, Fox," she said, "_really_ funny. No, Fox, that did _not_ happen, and I know you're just trying to cover it up for your girlfriend there, but that night we shared was the most _amazing_ thing! It even beat that night I had the week before with Slippy . . . man, that frog has one _long_ tongue!" She giggled audibly. Fox's eyes widened. "You fucken slut!" he cried. "If you were frozen by the Krazoa spirits, how did you manage to sleep with Slippy!?" Krystal giggled again. "That's my secret. Peppy wasn't too bad either, once he took some Viagra," she added. Falco made a face. "Ew, dude, that's _sick_!" he exclaimed. Krystal turned to face him, and her face lit up once again. "Falco!! I didn't know _you_ were here, too! You were almost as good as Fox was!" she cooed. Kiara's eyes widened, and she turned to look at Falco. "Baby . . . that was two years ago!" Falco protested worriedly. "I didn't even _know_ you then!" Kiara sighed. "I suppose you're right," she said with a shrug. Fox looked suddenly upset. "You damn slut!" he shouted at Krystal. "You told me you only had eyes for _me_!" Krystal smiled a bit. "That was until I saw Falco's package," she said. Falco smirked a bit. "Aw, gee," he said with a laugh, "it's not _that_ big, but I'm flattered!" Jamey shook her head. "Well, you two can resolve this, 'coz I _really_ don't want to hear some girl I've never seen in my entire life talking about how good my boyfriend is in bed," she said as she stood and walked out. Kiara did the same. :"Dammit!" Falco shouted, "come back!" Just then, a little triceratops entered the room. "Hey, Krystal!" he exclaimed jubilantly, dropping a small bag on the floor. "Look! I found these beige GrubTubs in Pichu's backpack! They're tasty!" Krystal slapped her forehead. "Tricky, you dumbass!" she shouted, "those aren't GrubTubs, they're _magic mushrooms_!!"

Link was running around the building, searching for Samus. He opened every door, and then he arrived at the girls' washroom. He opened the door, peeked inside, and shouted "SAMUS?". Naturally, this resutled in several screams (including two decidedly male ones O_o). Out of the wheelchair-stall came Ganondorf in nothing but his boxer shorts (decorated with hearts, no less). Link's eyes widened. "She's not in here!" Ganondorf bellowed. Suddenly, the sound of Birdo moaning loudly was heard. "Shut up!" Yoshi hissed, and then there was a loud SMACK. "Ooooh, Yoshi, spanking me now? Okay!" Birdo giggled. Link looked about ready to vomit. "Right, I'm leaving! Bye!!" he said with a nervous grin as he bolted out of there faster than Sonic the Hedgehog on speed. And mind you . . . that would be pretty fast. So Link ran out of there, and sped down the hallway as quickly as he could. He was headed for the guys' dorms, when a sound stopped him dead in his tracks. It sounded like Samus, and it was coming from a nearby room. He turned to face the direction the sound was coming from, and he noticed Popo with a huge grin on his face with his ear pressed to the door. Popo looked up at Link. "_Dude_!" he hissed. "It's Samus and . . . I think it's Roy! And they're _fucking_! It's the funniest thing I've ever heard! Samus _is_ kinda turning me on, though," he added with a stupid-ass chuckle. Damn, that Popo is one horny little bastard. Link looked hurt. "Wh-_what_?" he whispered. Popo nodded. "They're goin' at it like two jackrabbits in there, I'm serious! I can even hear the BED squeaking! Must've been a looooong time since Roy's been laid. Come to think of it, it's been a loooong time since I've been laid. In fact . . . I've _never_ . . . er, whoops! Haha," Popo said. Link fought the tears rising up in his eyes, and then turned around slowly, and ran down the hallway. Popo raised an eyebrow. "Was it something I said?" he muttered to himself with a shrug. "Ah well." He turned his ear back to the door. "Coooome to me, Samus! Heh heh heh."

Krystal walked slowly out of the living room. Basically, Fox and Falco told her to go find someone else to pop because THEY were in love . . . with Jamey and Kiara, of course. Not with eachother. I mean, a fox and a falcon? Ewwww. Then again, an ugly Gerudo thief and a cute wittle dwagon? Ewwwww. Right, moving on. Krystal was feeling pretty upset, as I'm sure you can guess. She was staring at her feet while scuffling down the hallway, when she ran right into another slow-moving person. Naturally, since they were walking at the speed of a laden African swallow (which would be pretty slow, especially if said swallow was carrying a coconut), neither of them really fell. They just sort of . . . bounced. "Sorry," Krystal muttered. She looked down at the person she had run into, and he looked back up at her. He gave her a slight grin as he looked into the eyes of the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. . . . "It's-a me! Mario!"

At noon (YES, all that happened before NOON. Hey, not everyone's like me! I get up at about 3 PM when I can help it. These people? Naaaooo, 6 AM. Damn them), everyone was seated around the table to start chuffin'. They were having a very nice, very gourmet meal prepared for them (much to the dismay of Marth; "Dammit, there goes my weight-loss plan, right down the porcelain peehole!"), all because of Chef Lickitung. Shit, man, who the fuck let LICKITUNG into the kitchen?? I'd be too afraid he'd like . . . drool on the soufflé, or something. That's one big tongue. He could make a lot of money whoring that ton - right, back to the story. Well, each person had their own special meals being prepared for them, based on their personalities, names, or just what they like. Crazy and Master hand each brought out the food. "Uhm, Marth?" said Master Hand, raising an eyebro - FUCKING DAMMIT! I HATE these damn hand people and their STUPID FRIKKIN GOSH-DARNED anti-facial expressions! Anti-facial ANYTHINGS, for that damn matter. Anyway, Marth looked up at Master Hand, and HE raised his eyebrows, 'coz HE has a face and is actually capable of existing. So HAH, suck on that, Hand-Man (there I go with the nicknames again, I _SO_ RULE!!)! "What do yeh have for me?" he asked with a slight grin. Master Hand smil - don't fucking get me started again. "Curly fries! Not STRAIGHT ones, uhm, 'coz the Lickitoombamoobalarfle thing said you were, uh, like uh, not straight?? Whatever that means or something. Well, curlee fries, and also Mountain Dew with a bendy straw. Apparently Mountain Dew lowers your, uh, like, sperm count or something . . . whatever sperm are, and like uh, Lickitlalalaloodgeebudgieface said that because you weren't . . . straight . . . you wouldn't need them anymore. You look pretty siminetrical to me though . . . whatever that means." Master Hand (the dumbass who can't even say "Lickitung" or "symmetrical" properly . . . but dude, he has no mouth, maybe give him a break??) plopped a tray down with Marth's food and bustled away with a little smirk on his fa - now seriously, Nintendo, WHY!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!? Crazy Hand walked over to Peach. "Peach, I have for you a lovely peach cobbler, complete with peach-flavoured Jones Soda! I hope it finds you well!" he said enthusiastically, placing another tray before Peach. Down at the end of the table, I was sitting there all alone, without a friend in the world, eating my veggie burger with soy cheese and eating out of a massive jar of green olives (damn I love olives! If I ever meet the guy that invented olives, I'll say "Boy howdy, you sure are smar" - hang on, GOD invented olives, and from the consistency of this fanfic, I'll NEVER meet Him!) and drinking my Pepsi. All alone. *sniff* You may feel sympathy . . . now. Ganondorf and Yoshi both received two meatballs with an erectified hot dog sticking up in the middle. Dude, how did they _do_ that!? I'll just betcheh chefs all around the world are looking for the secret to erectified hot dogs. Like what, do you put starch in it or something? A thought. "Heheh, it looks like you," Yoshi said to Ganondor - okay, that is just sick. Oh yeah, and to make a long story short, Birdo buggered off (no pun intended . . . really) after her hour of passion in the girl's washroom. She left in a daze and will most likely be in a daze for the next while. In all honesty, I would, because that's just too sick. She must be seeing a psychiatrist RIGHT NOW, or something. Wrongness.

After lunch, Link was sitting all alone on a stool in the middle of the guys' dorm, thinking about things . . . like how lonley he was. Just then, in walked Samus. Link immediately got up to run into the washroom when she entered, but she grabbed his hand. "Link," she said. Link just raised his eyebrows without making eye contact. "Link, I'm sorry." Link just shook his head and sighed. "It's probably for the best, I suppose," he muttered. "I mean, we probably wouldn't have lasted that long anyway . . . what, with the whole sex thing. I mean, we kind of . . . did move quickly. Anyway, I'm sorry I disrespected you, and all that." He sighed loudly. Samus smiled a bit. "It's okay, Link. I'm sorry about what happened, but, well, shit does happen. I hope we can just stay friends," she replied. Link looked her in the eye and raised his eyebrows. "Dude, you know that NEVER works," he muttered, shaking his head. "People say that all the time. 'Let's be friends, let's be friends' . . . tell me, how many ex-couples do you see out together shooting the breeze? Not many. A few, but not many. But, we can be friendly acquaintances, I suppose," he laughed a bit. Samus smirked. "Sounds good. In any event, I have a surprise for you," she said. Link smirked in return, but looked slightly intrigued. "Unless it's one of the chicks - other than Ruto - who had a crush on me during Ocarina of Time or one of the ones my little brother saw in Majora's Mask, I don't wanna see it," he grumbled. Samus looked up and smiled. "Well, actually. . . ." she said slowly, stepping away from the doorway. There in the doorway stood Malon. Link raised his eyebrows, and grinned at the surprise. "Malon!!" he exclaimed gleefully. Malon grinned in reply, then rushed into Link's arms. "Thanks a bunch, Samus! This is wicked!" Link said, hugging Malon. Samus winked. "I'll leave you two alone now," she said, exiting the room.

Well, Jugga was sitting down smoking a huge cigarette. Normal size in HER circumstances - hehe, cirCUMstanc . . . sorry - but HUGE in ours. She and Y'Link had just . . . wait, how is that even possible!? I mean, with the hugeness of her and the tininess of him and . . . oh, nevermind. Y'Link was breathing quite heavily. "D-_damn_!" he cried in exclamitory stupor. "And Tatl told me I wouldn't hit puberty till I was 23!" Jugga giggled and blew smoke in his face. "Pretty boy act like _rabbit_!" she exclaimed. Y'Link inhaled deeply a few more times, then just passed out. I guess having sex with a person like, 37 times the size of you can be a bit exhausting . . . er, probably. Not like I _know_. . . .

All in separate rooms, Falco was with Kiara, Fox was with Jamey, Mario was with Krystal, Roy was with Samus, Wario was with Daisy, and Link was with Malon (they didn't sleep together, unlike the others, but you know). All the girls were asleep, and the guys all looked up and thought to themselves _Man, am I lucky_. Kinda weird, that! I mean, they all did the exact same thing at the exact same time, and . . . well, I guess being in love can be like that. What about Kirby/Clefairy and Pikachu/Sneasel, you may ask? Erm, trust me, you do _not_ want to know. I'll just give you three ideas to ponder: whipped cream, gerbils, olive oil. Told ya you didn't want to know.

_Brief author's note: Shit man, just about everything in this entire chapter has been love or sex-related!! Blagh! I need random funniness and hilarity, and I need it FAST!_

Tricky was stumbling down the hallways of HAL, feeling stoned as anything. I mean, after you've eaten an entire bag of magic 'shrooms, you'd be feeling stoned as anything, too! So, he saw Ness wandering around the hallways with a very sore head (you'd have a sore head if a one-ton safe fell on your head, too! Huhuhuhuhu, he bled a bit, and I laughed.), but saw him as something else. Now, being Tricky, he noticed Ness as a SharpClaw (for those who haven't played StarFox Adventures, I will say that SharpClaws are dinosaur dudes that walk around and eat people's eyeballs and stuff, and they wear armor and stuff. Ehm, scratch the eyeball-eating). So, Tricky started to growl as the walls around him changed from white to neon magenta to dark puce to snot-green to neon blood red and moved around a lot (think Jabu-Jabu's belly, only with more fucked-up colours and no cows). Ness stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh, hey, little buddy! What's up?" he said with a grin. Now, as I said, Tricky was stoned as anything, so he completely misinterpreted this, and it ended up sounding to him like this: "DIE, you EarthWalker SCUM! I fucked yo' momma and ate yo' little sistah for dinnah! I is gonna give you a WHUPPIN'!" Was Tricky pissed? Oh yes, I think so. His face turned bright red and steam started to rise out of his nostrils. Now, what he really wanted to say next was "NEVER talk about my Mom like that AGAIN, assninja, I'll FUCK YOU UP!", but of course, it did not _quite_ turn out that way. It sounded a bit more like: "Purple monkey banana hammock SPLOOOOODGE, assninja, orange soda TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE!" Was Ness confused? Oh yes, I think so. So he just kind of gave Tricky a weak grin and walked over to pat him on the head. Now, since Tricky saw Ness as a SharpClaw, it would also seem he was carrying a really pointy staff (he was really just carrying a whole wheat baguette because he's the chubby kid and he needs to eat! _That was not intended to offend people who are overweight in any way._). As Ness was nearing Tricky to pat him on the head, Tricky let out another growl, then unleashed his "powerful" flame attack on Ness, before proceeding to hop on his head a couple of times and then do something very crude that I won't even mention here. That's just messed-up. So, Ness ran out of the area, feeling very burnt (in the quite literal sense) and EXTREMELY violated, and went to cry . . . someplace. Tricky then passed out because he thought he saw a massive tarantula, which was really . . . erm, nothing, actually. Man, he's messed-up.

Joanna Dark and Mewtwo were in the guys' dorm, trying to clean Mewtwo up, to little avail. He was still covered from his head to his toe with saliva and mucous, and frankly, I don't think Joanna really wanted to kiss him right then. I mean, would you? Didn't think so. So, they were trying to clean him up, when Sheik and Zelda entered the room. They were laughing and holding hands, and then, they saw Mewtwo. Zelda's eyes widened. "Gah!" she exclaimed. "What happened to you!?" Mewtwo's face turned a bit red. "Erm, actually, I got . . . sneezed on," he muttered. Sheik raised an eyebrow. "I seeee. . . ." he said slowly, and slightly disbelievingly, as I'm sure you can guess. I mean, sometimes, mucous can look like . . . well, you know. Sheik had noticed the exhasperated look on Joanna's face, so he kind of figured she was giving Mewtwo a little sompin'-sompin', and he kind of . . . yeah. If anyone understood that last sentence, I commend you. Well, just then, Peach and Captain Falcon entered the room, very happy. "You guys seem to be in a good mood," said Zelda with a curious smile, "what's up?" Peach returned Zelda's smile with an equally big one (dude, did that sound wrong, or is it just me?). "Well," she said happily, walking over to where Mewtwo was finally being all cleaned up, "Falcon and I just . . . just . . . !" And with that, Peach sneezed eighteen more times on Mewtwo, who was even more covered in mucous than before. By then he just broke down crying and ran into the washroom. Peach grabbed a tissue, and Captain Falcon smirked. "Eh . . . gezundheit," he said.

It was 5:00 PM, and time for everyone to say adieu. Phone numbers were exchanged, same with kisses (and there were some quickies going on in some of the vacant rooms, too), and e-mail addresses. Everyone promised to stay in touch, when people's rides started to come. One by one they left, until only Bowser and Marth were there. Marth sighed loudly, and Bowser looked up. "Eh? What's wrong?" he asked. Marth sighed again. "I'm lonely," he said. Suddenly, there was a honk outside. Bowser gestured a thumb toward the door. "Aha," he said, "that would be my ride." Bowser walked outdoors, and Marth followed. Marth then noticed the driver of the limo, and noted that he was VERY handsome indeed. As Bowser was getting into the limo, Marth approached the front door of the car. The limo driver, with his slicked back blond hair and his sleek sunglasses, rolled down the window and handed Marth a piece of paper, leaning his head out the window and tilting his sunglasses down slightly so his icy blue eyes could be seen. He winked as Marth took the paper. "There's my number," he said, "call me." Then, they drove off. Marth smiled out the corner of his mouth. _Maybe this isn't such a bad end to the week after all. . . ._ And as Marth was walking away, he was chased into the evening by Game & Watch and Dr. Mario, running after him with a pad of paper and a couple of pens. . . .

**THE END :D**

A/N: TA-DAAAAAA! A-thankyou, a-thankyou :p. Vaccum Luigi, I hope the sneezing scene found you well :p. BTW, Star Fox Adventures was a WICKED game and I loved it O_O. It's inspired me to start my own Star Fox team, sorta thing. And you all remember Zyabor, right? Well, she's not Zyabor anymore :p. Her name is now Star Firefur. Just thought I'd announce that to you. Oh yeah, and me and an online friend of mine are quite possibly doing a collaboration fic of Star Fox! It's going to be EXPOSED-style, too! I'm also maybe thinking of making an Animal Crossing EXPOSED fic! Yes, no, maybe? I need opinions from the readers! ANIMAL CROSSING FANS, SENDETH TO ME THINE FEEDBATH! Er, feedBACK. Sorry. Typoes. Oh yeah, and the bonus disk for Wind Waker I am quite enjoying. Master Quest is a bit hard and often frustrating, but it's fun as hell! I've got 4 words for you: Inside Jabu-Jabu's Belly. Dude, THE COWS!! Heh heh! I don't know about the rest of you Zelda fans, but I am ANXIOUSLY anticipating Wind Waker. I think the cel-shaded thing is a great look for it, and I've already played a demo to it in-store. Unbe-fucking-lievable. Really, like wow, FUN. Once again, I'm looking for feedback about an SSBM:E website! Please! The forum I have is currently very vacant (visit it here --> ) and I'd like to see some posties, please! Also, the website would be for stuff like fanarts (fanarts are fun :D) and fan-fanfics (seriously, people!), so anyway, give me your feedback! I'm also on AIM now as VertexBerri, so give me a shout! Until next time! I loves you awl!! (Does anyone even read the A/N??) 


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